Paul Stolwyk Memorial Service,
August 20, 2022 (died July 18)
Note: Paul Stolwyk was my associate pastor and dear friend at First Evangelical Free Church in St. Louis County. He was living in North Carolina when he died, but a memorial service was held for him at First Free a month later. I was one of five speakers, including Brad Harper, Rick Burke, Pam Schumacher, Brian Moore.
Obituary: Paul Timothy Stolwyk was born on April 20, 1962 and died peacefully on July 18, 2022, in Roanoke, VA at the age of 60. Paul was born in St. Louis, MO, to Carl and Florence Stolwyk, and was married to Carol (Thompson) for 33 years.
Paul was a Pastor and Missionary; his love and service was experienced by many around the world. He sought to cultivate a culture of love, hope and grace among all he knew. Paul’s gift of hope lives on through his opportunity to be an organ donor. Paul led a full and active life having lived and traveled all over the world. He loved people and invited others to join him as he hiked, bird watched, and enjoyed good food and deep conversations around the table. Most of all, he loved his family.
Paul was preceded in death by his father, Carl; mother, Florence; and brother, Thomas. Paul is survived by his wife, Carol (Thompson); children, Matthew (Suzy), Kay, and Tim; and sister, Anne Jones (Bob).
Memorial message: I loved Paul Stolwyk. He was a dear friend and a faithful colleague. I don’t think I ever had a cross word with him. Paul was an indispensable part of the best staff God ever put together in one church at one time, though I acknowledge some bias in that opinion. For well over a decade Brad and Karen and Paul and Jerry worked hand in hand with me and with an amazing group of lay leaders as we watched God take a little dream Gary Jost and a few friends birthed and turn it into more than we could ever have imagined. The fact that we’re all here today—traveling from around the country and even around the world—is a measure of how Paul impacted us. Of course, many other staff played key roles in planting and growing the church as well, especially Bruce and Richard, both of whom reached “home” before Paul, and no doubt, welcomed him there with high fives.
But Paul was unique. With encouragement from Mark Sanders, he was gloriously saved while majoring in Partying as a member of Pi Kappa Alpha at Mizzou. When he graduated and started working as an engineer at McDonnell Douglas, Mark recommended that he come to our little church plant, still meeting at Sanford Brown Business College in 1985. When Brad showed up a year later, he began to disciple Paul. We all saw Paul’s potential and persuaded him to go to Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, where he immersed himself in biblical studies for 3 years. He had always been a creative thinker, but when he came back from TEDS, he was a creative biblicalthinker. He joined our staff and had an immediate impact.
I loved to hear Paul preach. In fact, having Brad and Paul as my two main backups for a number of years was phenomenal! Some pastors worry about the attendance when they are out of town and their staff fill the pulpit. Attendance always went up when I was out of town.
I could talk for hours about what Paul meant to me, but in my limited time with you today I thought it best to let Paul speak to you himself through his preaching. Over the past year I have spent many hours editing some of Paul’s sermon manuscripts for publication. It’s a big job because Paul left a lot to be desired when it came to grammar, spelling, and punctuation, but boy, could he ever communicate!
One of the most powerful doctrinal sermons I heard from Paul was entitled, Holy Mary: Mother of God? It was given at the beginning of our series on Luke back in 1996 as we were studying Jesus’ birth narrative. As an altar boy growing up Catholic, Paul had a lot of insight into Catholicism and a deep love for Catholic people. In this sermon he went through all the dogmas surrounding Mary—the Immaculate Conception, the Assumption of Mary, Mary as Co-Redemptrix, etc., and explained how these doctrines are not found in the Bible and actually divert attention from the centrality of Mary’s Son. But then he gently chided us Protestants about how we tend to minimize Mary’s profound stature as a godly woman, and he called us to honor her for her unique place as the mother of our Lord. (When I preached that passage in Wichita years later, I called Paul and asked if I could preach his sermon because I didn’t know how to improve on it. He said he would be honored).
But Paul was at his very best when preaching about grace. Another time in the Luke series I asked him to take a passage from chapters 5 & 6. The title he chose was, “Clearing a Path for Grace.” It is simply profound. In fact, I sent the sermon to the church and asked them to make copies available at the reception. Pastor Adam graciously agreed to do so.
The passage is one where Jesus is confronted by the Pharisees for failing to meet the accepted standards of religious devotion. Most of you remember how Jesus and His disciples were being accused of not praying and fasting enough, not keeping the Sabbath sufficiently, eating with unwashed hands, etc. Among the points Paul made were that …
Legalism demands conformity to an extra-biblical standard.
Legalism condemns and breaks fellowship with those who do not conform.
Legalism values control more than freedom and maturity.
On that last point Paul offered a vintage Stolwyk illustration.
A couple of years ago, I took a call from a young man who was considering the Evangelical Free Church as a denomination in which to serve as pastor. After some initial discussion about doctrine and leadership structure, he asked me about our church’s stand on alcohol. I told him that the church didn’t take a stand, but I preferred Bud Light. Then Paul added, Just kidding! I didn’t say that to him, but I did tell him we taught against drunkenness, but we left this lifestyle choice up to the individual believer.
He then asked me if our elders drank alcohol. I told him I had no idea if they did or not, but to my knowledge each was living responsibly in this area. He then asked me if I didn’t think it was important to have a written policy concerning the use of alcohol that they would sign. I agreed with him that this was a good idea and at the same time we should decide whether they could smoke or not, what kind of car they could drive, how long they could work in a given week, and how many times they should kiss their wives daily. He didn’t appreciate my point.
The audience laughed at his humor, of course, but they were also drawn in, and they listened to the rest of the sermon intently, which included a balanced presentation of the Gospel of grace. Here’s his conclusion:
As I reflect on the conflicts Jesus had with the Pharisees, I picture a person with a machete clearing a path in the jungle so that there is room enough to build an airstrip. Jesus is clearing a path so that there is room enough for grace.
Jesus wants to clear a path in your life. He wants to set you free to stop living by a list of rules that some other lord has made for you. He wants you to stop using the title “lord” for yourself. It is reserved for him. A list of rules will leave you defeated because you can never do enough. Jesus wants you to experience the good news that He has done it for you.
Room enough for grace. That is an epitaph I would offer for Paul. He experienced God’s grace personally, lived it exuberantly, and shared it gladly and effectively.
Another sermon I came across was about the Gadarene Demoniac. Paul titled it, “Restoring Glorious Ruins.” He started with one of his patented personal illustrations:
As we traveled on vacation as kids, my mom would pay my brother and sister and me a nickel for every antique store we saw. We would stop at many of these stores as we traveled throughout Missouri or the Northeast.
At one of those antique stores, my dad bought an old rocking chair. You couldn’t tell it was a rocking chair because it was in a box and in pieces. When I looked in the box all I saw was kindling. My dad is a visionary and a pretty good craftsman, and when he looked in the box, he saw a beautiful rocking chair.
Out of the ruins in that box, he began to reassemble the broken pieces. Over time, the pieces took the shape of a rocking chair. After he had reassembled the chair, you could see that some of the spindles were missing. Important pieces were lost forever. But he made new ones, so you can’t tell now what is original and what is new. He worked the finish to strip away years of dirt, misuse, and neglect. Soon the luster was back in the old chair. After a year or so of a little work here and a little there, the box of kindling was restored to a beautiful piece of furniture.
Paul then told the story of the demoniac and how Jesus healed him. He concludes this way:
This man is worthless to society. He does not add anything to the economy. He is a troublesome man. He produces only fear and hardship for the people in the area. When people look in this box, they see kindling and they call him the Demoniac. When Jesus looks in the box, he sees a Glorious Ruin.
That’s a second epitaph I would suggest for Paul: A Glorious Ruin. That’s who I am, too. Paul and I are brothers.