Jane Ellen Kuenzle Funeral
June 2, 2018 (died May 28)
Note: Jane and her husband David were actively involved in our St. Louis church almost from the beginning. She was a great athlete and a delightful person with many friends. I was honored to be invited to return to St. Louis for her funeral.
Obituary: Jane Ellen Kuenzle passed from this life to eternal life with Jesus on May 28, 2018. Wife of David Kuenzle; mother of Ben Kuenzle, Margaret Fay, Caroline Sullivan and Kate Kuenzle. Daughter to Charles and Lois Jane Cook (deceased). Daughter-in-law to Dan and Doris Kuenzle. Mother-in-law to Amie Kuenzle, Dan Sullivan, and Zach Fay. Grandma to cute Charlie Fay. Dear sister to Charlotte Durrett, Janet Kelly and Steve Cook. Sister-in-law to Jan and Ed Poth and Susan Crewz. Adopter of special friends who needed healing love. A reflection of Christ to hundreds.
Homily: Today we are witnessing a love story, not the beginning of it, but not the end of it either. Jane Ellen and David were deeply in love with each other. You didn’t have to be around them long to realize that. The only name I ever heard David use of his wife was “Sweetie,” and he treated her as a princess. You have heard a little about that love story this morning. But I would like to tell you another love story, not unrelated to this one. I would like to talk to you briefly about the love of God and of His Son Jesus for Jane Ellen and for all of us.
The Bible tells us clearly that God loves us; in fact, it says on at least three occasions that God islove. He is the very embodiment of love and He lavishes that love on us by giving us family, by providing us friends, giving us meaningful work, and allowing us to live in this beautiful world He created. Of course, the most awesome way He demonstrated His love is by sending His own Son, Jesus, to be our friend and Savior.
But at a time like this, when emotions are in turmoil, it’s easy for some to wonder, “If God loves us so much, why does He allow pain and suffering? Why does He permit someone like Jane Ellen to be cut down by an incurable disease at the very prime of life, and why do we have to go through the incredible grief that accompanies the loss of a dear loved one?” I think these are legitimate questions, but I also believe there are good answers.
C. S. Lewis once wrote that “pain is the megaphone God uses to get our attention.” What he meant is that when life moves along at its normal pace, with a good measure of success and prosperity and only minor irritations along the way, it is easy to forget God and to become independent and self-sufficient. But when we are hurting, we are much more likely to pay attention to Him. Unfortunately, people sometimes hurt so much they become bitter and begin to question God’s love. That has certainly not been the response of Jane Ellen or David or their children, and it is my fervent hope that it will not be yours today either.
One of our problems in thinking about the love of God is that we have such a distorted and inadequate understanding of love. We tend to think of it only as an emotion to which we respond by doing nice things for the person loved. But real love is far more than that. Real love means doing what is best for another person, not necessarily what they want or what makes them happy.
The Bible gives us at least four analogies to help us understand the nature of the love of God.[i] First, it compares God’s love for us to the love of an artist for an artefact. We are referred to, for example, as clay in the hands of the potter.
Imagine for a moment that you are a piece of canvas upon which a great artist is creating a beautiful painting. After being rubbed and scraped and restarted for the tenth time, you might wish that you were only a thumb-nail sketch finished in a moment. But once the artist is finished and you are hanging in a humidity-controlled, temperature-controlled gallery being admired by thousands, don’t you think you would thank the artist for taking such pains with you?
In the same way, it might be natural to wish that God would be less exacting with us and just leave us alone to enjoy our few years. But when we do so, we are asking not for more love but for less.
The second love analogy used in the Bible is that of a man for an animal. For example, the Scripture says that we are God’s people and the sheep of His pasture. Imagine again that you are a puppy found on a country road and taken to a kind person’s home. Because of the natural smells and habits of a puppy the new owner trains you and bathes you and forces you to use the newspapers in the kitchen. He won’t let you chew on things puppies love to chew on. For a while this process must cast grave doubts in your mind as to whether you are really loved. But when you are full-grown, larger and healthier than the wild dogs, and when you are free to sit at the master’s hearth, well-fed, and played with by the children, all such thoughts would vanish.
So also, if we ask God to leave us alone and let us enjoy our freedom, and stop afflicting our consciences when we do wrong, we are not asking for more love but less.
The third analogy is that of a father for a son, or a mother for her daughter. In Hebrews 12 we are told that “Our human parents disciplined us for a little while as they thought best…” (They didn’t to do it perfectly, as we all know, but they did the best they could). The text goes on … “but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.” When my son Eddie was just a toddler, he had a habit of sticking screwdrivers into electrical outlets because the spark that was generated fascinated him. Now I don’t believe in hitting children, but I confess I swatted him a few times on the rear when he did that. What it came down to was either teaching him not to do that, or risk something worse.
He didn’t like the discipline, and I’m sure there were times when he thought I was a very mean father for taking away the screwdriver and swatting him. But had he been able to understand, he would have thanked me, for he would have realized that I hurt him only because I loved him.
So also our heavenly Father disciplines us. By the way, God never punishes His children. He punishes those who reject His love but not His children. He disciplines His children and there is a huge difference. Both can be painful, but punishment is punitive while discipline is redemptive. The Hebrews passage goes on to say, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” As I have observed the peace that passes all understanding in the Kuenzle family, I see a wonderful example of the fruit of loving discipline from the Lord.
And the final analogy is the love of a man for a woman or vice versa. Frequently in Scripture the marriage relationship is used to give us a reference point regarding the love of God. For example, in Ephesians 5:25 we are told, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” David, you have fulfilled that exhortation about as well as anyone I know.
I want us to think about the marriage analogy for a moment. When it says that Christ loves the church, does that mean He doesn’t care whether the church is faithful or not, truthful or not, loving or not? No, He does care, and He works hard to purify His church.
So also, when we fall in love with another person, do we cease to care whether they are clean or dirty, cultured or crude, nice looking or ugly? Love may forgive all weaknesses and failings and love still in spite of them, but love cannot cease to will their removal.
Now here’s the point of all this: when the Bible says God loves us, it means He really loves us. He even allows pain and suffering when He knows that is the only way to get our attention, or cause us to recognize how desperately we need Him, or motivate us to live obediently, or help grow us to maturity.
I cannot stand here this morning and tell you exactly why God allowed Jane Ellen to contract pancreatic cancer, or to linger so long when there was little quality of life or why He is allowing you to experience grief, but I can assure you that it isn’t to spite you and it isn’t because God likes to see you hurt.
I suspect one thing He is saying to you is, “I, too, know the pain of losing a loved one, for my only Son died. And He didn’t die peacefully, at home, surrounded by family. In fact, though perfectly innocent, He was crucified on a cross between two felons. Trust me with your pain. I understand it and I’ll help you through it.”
But in dying on the Cross Jesus is saying more than that to us. He is saying, “I love you. I love you so much that I am willing to give my own life in exchange for yours.” You see, the death of Christ is not just a beautiful example of self-giving love, though it is that. We need more than an example; we need a substitute. We are all sinners—by nature and by choice. We have not kept even our own standards, much less God’s, and the wages of sin is death according to the NT, not just physical death but eternal death, separation from God.
But Jesus took our place, became our substitute, and died in our place. He did so in order that ordinary people like you and me could receive forgiveness of our sins. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.”
When I was a little boy, I was taught to put my own name in that verse: “that if Mike Andrus believes in Him he will not perish . . .” But then I read what John Newton wrote about it. Newton was the vile, wicked slave trader who came to faith in Christ, repented of his sin, was gloriously saved and later wrote the magnificent hymn, Amazing Grace. He said, “If John 3:16 read ‘God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son that if John Newton believes in Him, he will not perish but have everlasting life,’ that might refer to some other John Newton and I might still be lost. But it says, ‘Whoever.’” That includes this John Newton, that John Newton, and every John Newton. In fact, it includes every last one of us.
God loves you, friend. Believe me, He really loves you! And He invites you to receive His Son by faith as your Savior and Lord.
Prayer: Father, thank you for the love story we have witnessed in the life of Jane Ellen Kuenzle. Thank you for the love she had for David and vice versa. Thank you for the way she loved her children, daughter-in-law, sons-in-law, and little Charlie. Thank you for the love and kindness she expressed so well to her students, the kids at Kannukuk, and all of us, her friends.
Thank you for the love You have shown us in allowing us to know her. Most of all we thank You for sending Your dear Son to be her Savior and for the fact that you extend your offer of the free gift of eternal life to all who will receive it by faith. Amen.
[i] The concepts here are taken from C. S. Lewis without careful attribution.