SERIES: Three Keys to Growing Healthy Churches
Fostering Fellowship
SPEAKER: Michael P. Andrus
Introduction: I got a phone call Friday from David and Judy Constance, former members of our church who moved to Detroit six months ago. In the course of our conversation, I asked them how things were going. The boys were fine, David’s job was fine, the house was fine, the neighbors were fine, even the weather wasn’t bad. But church was another matter. They said they had attended 13 or 14 churches and have yet to find one they could call “home.” Now David and Judy may be a little picky, but I doubt it. The fact is I hear stories like that quite frequently. Either the pastors aren’t preaching the word, or the people are cold and unfriendly, or the churches are rigid and legalistic.
The subject of my messages for this current three-week series addresses those exact complaints. I believe there are three essential factors in the planting and growing of healthy churches: feeding, fellowship, and freedom. Last Lord’s Day we examined feeding: We must feed people well so that they may become healthy, productive, and reproductive. People are desperate for a good meal, and if we provide one regularly, many will literally crawl out of the woodwork for it. Today we’re going to look at the second essential—fellowship, or love. Many people are hurting and discouraged, and even though they are hungry for a good meal, they need something even more—love and acceptance and encouragement. If we add to the feeding, fellowship—real, genuine fellowship—they will almost break down the door to get in.
Eight or ten years ago I led an early morning men’s group at First Free in Wichita for about three months. Thirty or forty men gathered at 6 A.M. to learn how to be better fathers and husbands. At one point in the class, we were talking about moral purity and I warned the men to keep their hands completely off all women, other than their wives, except to shake hands. My goal was noble—to decrease the rate of moral problems we were experiencing in the church.
Well, when I came to St. Louis, I discovered a shocking fact—the Chairman of the Elder Board hugged and kissed nearly every woman in the church every Sunday (and he hugged most of the guys as well!). At first I was a little uncomfortable with Gary Jost’s style, but over a period of time I saw the positive effect his example was having on a whole church family. There weren’t more moral problems; there were fewer. I even decided that Paul’s exhortation to “Greet one another with a holy kiss,” repeated in four of his epistles, might not have been a scribal addition after all. Perhaps it was a genuine truth that God intended for Christians to obey.
And it wasn’t just Gary. All the families that started this church were unusually warm and friendly folk. They weren’t all huggers—I can’t imagine Jack Kerls going up to a total stranger and giving him a bear hug—but in their own ways each practiced an unusual degree of warmth toward people. Frankly, I think that factor is at least as responsible for the growth and vitality this church has experienced as the preaching or teaching. Brad and I tend to get more credit than we deserve for the pulpit ministry. The fact is you could have the best preaching in the world, but if fellowship is lacking, many people won’t come, and those who do come won’t be healthy.
We must be careful, however, as we approach this subject of fellowship, for it is easy to misunderstand the true nature of Christian fellowship. I suspect that if I were to ask the question, “Does our church experience good fellowship?”, some would be inclined to say, “Sure, we have coffee and donuts on Sunday morning, don’t we?” Others might point to the Suppers of Eight or the Skating Party yesterday. But these are inadequate indications of the actual level of fellowship here at First Free. Even hugs and kisses may simply be indications of superficial sociality, friendly fraternizing that is easily duplicated outside the church. Seriously, what is different about relationships in the Church than in Kiwanis or Rotary Club or P.T.O meetings? The sad answer is often, “nothing.”
The root meaning of the term “fellowship” is “sharing.” In the Scriptures the word is used of sharing in spiritual blessings, sharing in financial support, sharing in evangelism, even sharing in suffering. A useful definition of fellowship might be “any genuine expression of Christianity that is freely shared among the members of God’s family.” I’m going to suggest four such expressions that must characterize a church that desires to have feeding augmented adequately by fellowship.
An atmosphere of love and acceptance
There is nothing more important in fostering fellowship in the church than an atmosphere of love and acceptance. There must be no barriers based on race, color, social standing or national origin. There must be no barriers because of hairstyle, dress, education, or giftedness. There must be no barriers because of physical or emotional handicap or personality. Now this is easy to say but sometimes difficult to practice in a world where people are killing one another in Azerbaijan, Ireland, South Africa, the Middle East, and dozens of other places over just such barriers.
A Scripture passage that speaks directly to this need for love and acceptance of all kinds of people is found in Acts 10. We do not have time to read that lengthy passage this morning, but allow me to tell you the story. Cornelius was a Roman centurion, a Godfearing man, but one who did not know Jesus personally. One day God caused him to see a vision, in which he is urged to send for Peter. The next day God also caused Peter to see a vision to prepare him for an invitation to Cornelius’ house. In Peter’s vision a sheet filled with unclean animals is lowered from heaven and Peter is ordered to kill and eat the animals. He refuses on the grounds that Jewish law forbade the eating of unclean animals. But God said, “Do not call anything impure that I have made clean.” Three times this happened and then the sheet was taken back into heaven.
When Cornelius’ servants arrived, Peter understood the thrust of the vision. The unclean animals represented people whom the Jews refused to have fellowship with. So, in obedience he invited these Gentiles to be his guests, undoubtedly the first time in his life he had entertained non-Jews at his table. The next day he traveled to Cornelius’ home and preached the Gospel to him, his family, and his soldiers. The critical lessons Peter learned all relate to the universality of the Gospel. (Now please don’t confuse the term “universality” with “universalism.” The latter is the growing heresy that everyone is going to heaven because God is a God of love and even one person in Hell would demonstrate a defeat for God’s grace. That view is completely unbiblical.)
When I speak of the universality of the Gospel, what I mean is that no one is beyond the scope of the love of God, the sacrificial death of Christ, the gift of the Holy Spirit, or the fellowship of the Church because of race, color, social standing, national origin, education, or any other factor not related to his spiritual life. Let’s briefly examine Peter’s message at Cornelius’ house as found in Acts 10:34ff. First, Peter reveals …
The universality of the love of God (34-35) Verse 34 : “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right.” In other words, God is not partial to any one race, any one nation, or any one language group. His love extends to all people. Secondly, he speaks of …
The universality of the sacrifice of Christ (43) Verse 43: “Of Him (i.e., Jesus), all the prophets bear witness that through His name everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins.” It doesn’t matter if that person is a WASP, a black Iranian Jew, a Polish Muslim, or a Catholic from Utah, if he puts his faith in Jesus, he will receive forgiveness of his sins.
Thirdly, all those whom God saves through the death of Christ are also given the gift of the Holy Spirit.
The universality of the gift of the Holy Spirit (44) Verse 44 says, “While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit fell upon all those who were listening to the message. And all the circumcised believers, (i.e., all the Jewish Christians) who had come with Peter were amazed, because the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out upon the Gentiles also.” It was astounding enough that God would save Gentiles; but the mere thought of Him giving the Holy Spirit to them was almost more than the Jews could accept. But He did!
The fourth universality mentioned is …
The universality of the Body of Christ. (47-48). In verse 47 and 48 Peter says, “‘Surely no one can refuse the water for these to be baptized who have received the Holy Spirit just as we did, can he?’ And he ordered them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ.” Peter’s point seems to be this: If God loved the Gentiles, and if Jesus died for them, and if the Holy Spirit has come upon them, then no one can keep them out of the visible Church; they must be allowed to be baptized. They must be treated as full-fledged disciples.
Now friends, the spiritual apartheid that Peter grew up with was blatantly racist. Ours is far more subtle. We wouldn’t think of excluding people because of race, but at times people can feel just as excluded because of their social standing, their education, their financial condition, their marital status, or some other issue in an unspoken agenda. It has been said many times that it is easier to get into heaven than into many local churches. That ought not to be. If we’re going to foster fellowship in the church, we must remove both the overt and the subtle barriers that cause people to feel unloved and unaccepted. If we had time this morning, we could profitably examine the characteristics of love and acceptance enumerated in 1 Cor. 13; I encourage you to do that on your own.
After an atmosphere of love and acceptance I believe the next most important factor in fostering fellowship in the church is …
An attitude of encouragement and affirmation (Eph. 4:29-32, 1 Thes. 2:11, 5:11, Heb. 10:25)
When people come to church, they need to be encouraged. Most people during the week face way too much criticism, ridicule, put-downs, loneliness, and just plain discouragement at work, school, on the highway, at the store, and even at home. They don’t need that at church too. Charles Swindoll writes, “Discouraged people don’t need critics. They hurt enough already. They don’t need more guilt or piled-on distress. They need encouragement. They need a refuge. A place to hide and heal. A willing, caring, available someone. A confidant and comrade-at-arms.”[i]
William Barclay adds, “One of the highest of human duties is the duty of encouragement…. It is easy to laugh at men’s ideals; it is easy to pour cold water on their enthusiasm; it is easy to discourage others. The world is full of discouragers. We have a Christian duty to encourage one another. Many a time a word of praise or thanks or appreciation or cheer has kept a man on his feet. Blessed is the man who speaks such a word.” [ii]
One of the most common sources of discouragement in many churches is the pulpit ministry. It is so easy for pastors to chide, to judge, to rebuke, and to emphasize how far God’s people are from living up to biblical standards. Preaching can so readily become a negative, guilt-producing exercise. Yet isn’t it interesting that when we read the Scriptures, even though they speak clearly to God’s high standards and our failure to live up to them, we don’t tend to get discouraged but encouraged. That’s because the Biblical writer seems to have a way of allowing God’s love and grace to shine through the bad news. Paul beautifully affirmed what was good in his parishioners while challenging them to do better, even at times lowering the boom on them without making them feel worthless. The key may be that they knew he loved them.
Another common source of discouragement in the church is the feeling that “I’m not really that important. The pastors, the Elders, the deacons—they’re the important ones, while the rest of us are just cogs in the wheel.” I remind you that the Bible goes to great lengths to counter that attitude, encouraging and affirming those in the body who have less visible functions. In 1 Cor. 12 Paul writes, “some of the parts that seem weakest and least important are really the most necessary…. So God has put the Body together in such a way that extra honor and care are given to those parts that might otherwise seem less important.” To illustrate this truth, let me see if you can answer these questions:
1. Who taught Martin Luther his theology and inspired his translation of the N.T.?
2. Who visited Dwight L. Moody at a shoe store and spoke to him about Christ?
3. Who was the wife of Charles Haddon Spurgeon, perhaps the greatest preacher who ever lived?
4. Who succeeded Hudson Taylor and gave the China Inland Mission its remarkable vision and direction?
5. Who found the Dead Sea Scrolls and thereby advanced biblical scholarship tremendously?
6. Who was the elderly woman who prayed faithfully for Billy Graham for over 20 years?
Chances are few of us could answer even one of those questions. Vice-presidents, close associates, and prayer warriors don’t get much glory, but how many of the well-known, up-front people would be where they are if it weren’t for someone pushing them to do their best, praying for them, supporting them, and encouraging them.
Another common source of discouragement is insensitivity on the part of spiritual leaders and friends. When people are hurting, they need more than an accurate analysis and factual diagnosis. They need more than a verse of Scripture wrested from its context and applied as a cure-all. Every one of us—particularly pastors, attorneys, doctors, counselors, nurses, teachers, disciplers, and parents—need to realize that the feelings of those who seek our help are fragile and delicate. They need to sense we are there because we care—not just because it’s our job. Paul wrote in 1 Thes. 2:6ff,
“As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us…. You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.”
Notice those three verbs—encouraging, comforting, and urging. Encouraging and affirming doesn’t mean we should be satisfied with sub-par performance or that we should never rebuke those who are sinning. Rather I am suggesting that most people will never produce what they are capable of and will never grow in holiness and maturity unless they are encouraged and affirmed. Encouragement is a far greater tool for motivation than criticism.
Listen to a few other Scripture passages that talk about encouragement and affirmation:
1. Eph. 4:29: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
2. Phil. 2:1-5: “Now if your experience of Christ’s encouragement and love means anything to you, if you have known something of the fellowship of his Spirit, and all that it means in kindness and deep sympathy, do make my best hopes for you come true! Live together in love, as though you had only one mind and one spirit between you. Never act from motives of rivalry or personal vanity, but in humility think more of one another than you do of yourselves. None of you should think only of his own affairs, but each should learn to see things from other people’s point of view. Let Christ Jesus be your example as to what your attitude should be.”
3. I Thes. 5:11: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
4. Heb. 10:25: “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Pastors have a tendency to focus on that first part of that last verse and forget that one of the best ways to get people to come to church is to develop an attitude of encouragement and affirmation. A third major factor in developing true fellowship in the church is …
A spirit of confession, forgiveness, and restoration (James 5:16, Gal. 6:1-2)
Time simply will not allow us to do this point justice, but I at least want to mention it. Real fellowship is impossible when people refuse to acknowledge their errors, or when they hold bitterness in their hearts for real or imagined injuries, or when there is a spirit of vindictiveness rather than restoration toward a fallen brother.
One of the greatest hindrances to deep fellowship is the game we play called, “I’m OK, you’re OK.” We put on our happy face when we come on Sunday and we act like saints. We’re afraid to ask for prayer concerning our failures, our addictions, or our spiritual apathy. After all, we’re probably the only one out of 700 not living a victorious Christian life. Right? Wrong. The struggles of the best among us would shock the worst of us. But no one knows that, because we’re afraid that if we confess our shortcomings people may not like us or accept us any longer.
Part of this reticence to admit failure is a function of size and is one of the drawbacks of the larger church. There is no way anyone is going to get up in front of hundreds of people and confess a major spiritual failure. But that can happen in a smaller, more intimate group of friends. I believe James assumes just such a small, intimate group when he exhorts us, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” This reinforces what I said last Sunday that all of us need to be involved in fellowship groups of some sort; we simply cannot survive on the mass feeding we get in a worship service. True fellowship is almost impossible to experience in a large worship service.
But part of our reticence to be honest about our struggles is also because the church has too often refused to forgive and restore those who have messed up. We need to strongly emphasize and re-emphasize that there is no sin too grievous for God to forgive (other than the sin of turning one’s back on Jesus Christ), and likewise, there is no sin too grievous for us as a local church to forgive. It doesn’t matter whether you have been a thief, a liar, a drug addict, a sexual addict, or what else you may have been or done, I want to go on record that we are committed to helping you with the sometimes long and difficult task of confession and repentance. We want to see you restored to fellowship with God and with the Body of Christ. We accept the challenge of Gal. 6:1: “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
A fourth and final factor important in fostering fellowship in the church is:
A lifestyle of availability, hospitality, and generosity (Acts 2:42-47)
People who foster fellowship aren’t loners, out of touch, distant and unreachable; they are available, hospitable, and generous. I have read that during the reign of Oliver Cromwell, the British government began to run low on silver for coins. Lord Cromwell sent his men on an investigation of the local cathedral to see if they could find any precious metal there. After investigating they reported, “The only silver we could find is in the statues of the saints standing in the corners.” To which the radical soldier and statesman of England replied: “Good! We’ll melt down the saints and put them into circulation!” Not bad theology. Saints standing in the corners of elegant cathedrals are not of much use to the cause of Christ, but saints in circulation can foster deep and abiding fellowship.
From time to time I hear the complaint that someone doesn’t think our church is very warm or friendly. Very often the source of the complaint turns out to be someone who attends only the worship service. They come in just before it starts and leave as soon as it’s over. They rarely speak unless spoken to; they don’t attend men’s breakfasts or women’s lunches; they don’t go to a School for Christian Living class; they don’t come to musical concerts or concerts of prayer; they aren’t in Suppers of Eight. In other words, they really have never made themselves available for spiritual fellowship.
Now that isn’t always the case. Once in a while someone really tries to build relationships and the effort is not reciprocated. That really concerns me. But most people who feel deprived of fellowship need to be reminded, as do all of us, that availability is a prerequisite. One must spend time with people in order to fellowship with them. One can’t have fellowship with someone who isn’t here. Nor can you enjoy fellowship with someone just by sitting next to them in a worship service. So the church must provide, and God’s people must avail themselves of, opportunities to meet together in an atmosphere conducive to the Spirit’s working and to open sharing among one another.
Availability goes hand in hand with two other godly characteristics—hospitality and generosity. I seriously doubt if real fellowship is even possible without the practice of hospitality. If you call someone a good friend and consider yourself to have good fellowship with that person but they have never been in your home or you in theirs—you’re kidding yourself. The great American dream of having a large, beautiful single-family home, has in many cases turned into a spiritual joke, for as our homes have grown larger and the furnishings more beautiful, we seem less and less inclined to share them with others. To whom do they belong, anyway? I think many of us would have to be honest and say that we live as though our homes belonged to us—only us—whereas the Bible indicates that all we have is a trust loaned to us by God.
But being hospitable with our homes is not the only area where generosity needs to impact our lives if fellowship is to be fostered. We need to be generous with our time, our talents, our possessions, and our money. Listen to this description of the dynamic church of the first century, as found in Acts 2:42-47:
“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”
Now that is a description of how the church lived, not necessarily a prescription about how it must always live. But the emphasis on availability, hospitality, and generosity is unmistakable. And lest you think that was unique to the church immediately after Pentecost, allow me to read a few passages that show that these things should always characterize the church:
1. Romans 12:13: “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”
2. I Peter 4:8-10: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”
3. 1 Tim. 6:18: “Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.”
This morning we have examined four characteristics of a church where fellowship is fostered:
1. An atmosphere of love and acceptance
2. An attitude of encouragement and affirmation
3. A spirit of confession, forgiveness, and restoration
4. A lifestyle of availability, hospitality, and generosity
I think if we’re honest every one of us will acknowledge our deep need for fellowship and the church’s responsibility to provide it. The problem is that we’re inclined to focus on the surface factors rather than the essentials. It’s relatively easy for us to talk about being more friendly, about wearing our nametags, about introducing visitors, about shaking hands or offering a hug to those we haven’t seen for a week. And don’t get me wrong—all those things are important in developing an atmosphere where fellowship can take place. But they do not constitute fellowship in and of themselves.
Real fellowship is a costly commodity produced when the people of God allow the Spirit of God to motivate them to share all that they are and have with their brothers and sisters in Christ. As we close this morning, I want to ask you to consider one of the four factors we have looked at this morning and ask God to begin to make that a characteristic of your life.
And don’t forget that real biblical fellowship is only possible for those who have come to personal faith in Jesus Christ, acknowledging their estrangement from God and receiving forgiveness for their sins through His death on the Cross.
DATE: March 18, 1990
Tags:
Fellowship
Acceptance
Encouragement
Forgiveness
Availability
Hospitality
[i] Charles Swindoll, from his church newsletter.
[ii] William Barclay, citation lost.