SERIES: The Book of Romans
Love Without Wax
Introduction: Ray Stedman shares the story of a man who was passing a used bookstore when he spotted a volume in the window which caught his attention. The book was entitled, How to Hug. Feeling kind of lonely, he stepped inside to purchase the book. To his chagrin he discovered that it was Vol. 13 of a set of encyclopedias and covered the alphabet from H-O-W to H-U-G, “How to Hug.”[i]
Could it be there’s an analogy to the Church in that undoubtedly apocryphal story? Everyone knows that the Church is a place where love ought to be demonstrated, and many people have come to the church hoping to find love, only to discover an encyclopedia of theology. There’s nothing wrong with an encyclopedia of theology, but it will not fill the void in a lonely heart or give practical advice to someone desirous of learning how to love.
The Scriptural text I want to direct your thoughts to today is not an encyclopedia of theology. It’s a very practical guide in the “how-to’s” of loving. Romans 12:9-21 answers the question, “What are some practical, everyday ways in which God expects us to exhibit love in the Church?” Will you turn there with me?
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. {10} Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. {11} Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. {12} Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. {13} Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
{14} Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. {15} Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. {16} Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
{17} Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. {18} If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. {19} Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. {20} On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
{21} Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.
The twelfth chapter of Romans opens with one of the most powerful exhortations in the Word of God, as we are urged to offer our bodies as living sacrifices to God, refusing to be conformed to the world, but instead being transformed by the renewing of our minds. Then Paul proceeds to show us what a transformed life and a renewed mind look like. Last week we saw how a transformed life is one which serves the Body of Christ through the use of the spiritual gifts God gives to each believer.
Today we will see how a transformed life demonstrates practical love to others. Look at the energy and passion of his words here: “Hate what is evil … Be devoted to one another … zeal … fervor … joyful.” He wants us
to be engaged from the heart with the people around us,
to be deeply committed to them,
to care what goes on with them,
to be able to walk in their shoes and look at life from their perspective,
to have their burdens matter to us as much as ours,
to be drawn out of ourselves,
to weep and mourn and rejoice with our fellow believer.[ii]
This section of the Book of Romans comprises a series of commands in the form of short, proverbial sayings on how to live our lives in community. The Apostle introduces the subject with this observation:
Love is sincere and honest with the truth. (9)
Verse 9 reads, “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” The English term “sincere” comes from the Latin; in fact, it is made up of two words every first-year Latin student learns. They mean literally, “without wax.” In the ancient world pottery was a necessity of life. It was not unusual for pottery to break when it was being fired, and, of course, a broken pot was hard to sell, unless you had some wax. A skillful, but dishonest potter, could use wax as a glue and put a pot back together, paint it, and sell it as new. That was fine, of course, until a person poured hot soup into the pot. So some potters who had integrity began to advertise their wares as “sine cere,” without wax, and they would encourage their buyers to hold the pot up to the sun or subject it to heat to try to detect any wax.
The original Greek word translated “sincere” in the NIV is usually rendered “without hypocrisy.” “Let love be without hypocrisy.” This is another very picturesque term. It means literally, “to speak from down under,” and its derivation is from the ancient theater. Actors didn’t normally dress their parts—they just carried masks which indicated whether they were playing a comic, dramatic, or melodramatic role. They would put the mask up to their face to remind the audience of the character being portrayed. When the mask was up, of course, they had to “speak from down under it.” Hypocrisy, then, is speaking from under a mask.
Paul here demands of the believer a love that wears no masks, that sports no wax, a love that holds up under both heat and light.
There’s a second important truth in our introductory verse, and that is the exhortation, “Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” Now what does that have to do with love being sincere or without hypocrisy? Why does Paul make these two statements back-to-back? I think the reason is that people have such a tendency today to turn love into “warm fuzzies” and to forget that biblical love is always honest with the truth.
Back in the 60’s Joseph Fletcher, a pseudo-Christian philosopher, wrote a book entitled Situation Ethics, which verbalized a humanistic philosophy which rapidly swept the campuses of the day. Fletcher adopted love as the only moral criterion for ethical action and viewed the lack of love as the only intrinsic evil. He never tired of quoting Romans 13:8, “Owe no man anything, but to love one another,” always conveniently failing to note that the next verse quotes four of the Ten Commandments approvingly.
When his philosophy is applied to given situations, we find that Fletcher and his followers accept adultery, abortion, lying, stealing, and virtually anything else the Scripture labels as sin, so long as the motivation behind the act is love. In other words, it’s OK to commit adultery or fornication if the two individuals love each other and if they have everyone’s best good in mind. But God’s Word says, “No!” Something cannot be evil and loving at the same time. Love must be sincere and honest with the truth.
Love gives preference to other believers. (10)
Verse 10 reads, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” You may be aware that there are four different words for love in the Greek New Testament, and all four of them appear here in verses 9 & 10 of Romans 12. In verse 9 we have agape, which is a love of the will rather than of the emotions. You can even love someone you can’t stand, if you practice agape love, because it essentially means that you will seek the other person’s highest good.
But in verse 10 the words, “be devoted,” are a compound of the two Greek words for “warm affection” and “family love,” which definitely have a strong emotional element. Then the term “brotherly love” later in verse 10 is the Greek word, “philadelphia.” What this tells us is that agape, or divine love is not the only kind of love required of us—we also are expected to exercise warm affection, family love, and brotherly love toward one another.
Now that’s not always easy, is it? Some people are very lovable; others are quite the opposite. You know, God never indicated it would be easy. But it’s amazing what can be accomplished in this area if we really try. I could name several people whom I genuinely appreciate today that at one time I could hardly stand. You probably could, too. But it took hard work, didn’t it? On the other hand, if the number of people you don’t like is growing rather than shrinking, or if you have a tendency to dislike people before you even get to know them, then maybe this verse should go up on your refrigerator or bathroom mirror: “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.”
I suppose some may be saying to themselves, “Paul’s asking too much. I just can’t love so-and-so; the only feelings I have for him or her are disgust.” O.K., no sense getting into an argument. But there’s no way you can excuse yourself from the last half of the verse: “Honor one another above yourselves.” That definitely emphasizes the will rather than the emotions. In essence Paul is saying, “Look for what you can provide in a relationship rather than what you can receive. Be aggressive in giving yourself away.” And you’ll be surprised how quickly you can start liking someone when you begin to treat them with honor and respect.
Stuart Briscoe has observed,
More often than not trouble erupts in the fellowship because people are offended when they perceive, rightly or wrongly, that their positions have been usurped or their personhood has been slighted. The insistence on position and rights rather than privilege and responsibility is the seedbed in which a variegated crop of evil flourishes. But where love is expressed in glad acknowledgment of the achievement of others and genuine appreciation of the deficiencies of ourselves, it is hard for evil to triumph.[iii]
I like that. Another way to put the whole matter is by means of a little motto I came across: “There is no limit to the good a person can do if he doesn’t care who gets the credit.”
Paul tells us a third way love behaves:
Love relishes Christian service. (11)
Real love makes one enthusiastic in serving the Lord. Verse 11 continues: “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.” Paul is here launching an all-out attack on anything that savors of lethargy or lukewarmness. You’ve heard, perhaps, about the guy who was asked if he thought ignorance and apathy were the two greatest problems of human nature. He responded, “I don’t know and I don’t care.” Well, Paul didn’t want to see that kind of attitude in the church; rather he urged us to be zealous believers acting lovingly out of firm conviction and deep commitment.
The trouble with many apathetic Christians is that they know they’re apathetic and they don’t particularly like it, but they don’t know what to do about it. They’ve played church for so many years, putting up a front of spirituality and going through the motions, that something has died inside them and they don’t know how to resurrect it. I think the answer for such individuals is so simple they often miss it. The answer may not be prayer or another Bible study. The answer may be the same any of us would give to a lazy person—get busy and do something!
When the lazy person begins to work, he discovers that he gains a sense of satisfaction from being productive that he could never achieve from his laziness. And when the lethargic Christian begins to serve the Lord, he discovers the same thing, only on an even greater scale. The good feelings follow the action. If we wait for the feelings, we may never change.
Love responds positively to trials. (12)
Verse 12 reads, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” The three elements mentioned in this verse are intimately related to one another. The call to persevere in tribulation is significantly sandwiched between hope and prayer. The way the Christian avoids sinking under his present trials is (1) to be buoyed up by the hope of future glory, and (2) to experience the divine strength which is imparted by prayer.
You notice here that trials are not really optional. Paul assumes they’re going to come—he’s concerned about our response. Some of you are right now going through enormous trials—some family-related, others health-related, some emotional in nature, still others financial. Don’t give up! Stand firm! In fact, rejoice that you do not have to sorrow as those who have no hope. Sure, that’s a Biblical statement specifically addressed to those who have lost a loved one, but the principle is applicable to any loss you may sustain, whether a relationship, a job, or a dream. You have hope in Christ! But don’t forget that diligence in prayer is the God-ordained means to encourage hope and to enable you to endure trials.
Why, by the way, does this instruction appear in a list of ways in which we should love our brothers and sisters in Christ? Could it be because if we fail to rejoice, to endure, and to pray we quickly become a liability in the Body, discouraging others rather than setting an example of encouragement for them?
We find an exhortation more obviously related to the subject of loving one another in verse 13.
Love practices generosity and hospitality. (13)
Poverty and persecution were rampant in the early church. Thus the injunction here was immensely practical. In these days when so much social help is available—unemployment insurance, S.S. welfare, Medicare, and so on—we tend to forget that there are still human needs and that we have a Biblical responsibility to meet them. I’m proud of many of our people in this regard. Not only has the church reached out through the Deacons’ Benevolence Fund to meet many needs, but many individuals constantly step forward to give sacrificially of time and resources to meet needs as they hear of them.
One way to meet needs which virtually everyone can practice is hospitality. The word literally means, “pursuing strangers with love.” Unfortunately, some of us not only don’t pursue strangers with love; we don’t even pursue fellow believers with love. The average American views his home as his castle, reserved exclusively for his own pleasure, but God says our homes are all leased from Him and are to be used as places of support and strength for others.
Hospitality, you know, is not entertainment. You entertain in your home people whom you are trying to impress or people from whom you expect to receive a return invitation. It counts as hospitality when you reach out to people who are unlikely to ever be able to pay you back.
Next Paul turns to the issue of loving difficult people.
Love reacts positively to persecution. (14)
Verse 14 exhorts us, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” I believe the commandment here relates primarily to persecution we might receive from fellow believers, which does happen. Taking shots from someone we consider a friend is perhaps the toughest kind of persecution to handle. David experienced it in Psalm 55. Listen to him:
If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.
But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend,
with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
as we walked with the throng at the house of God.
That’s tough! And what should our response be? Not what David’s was! In the next verse he expressed the hope that these who had turned on him would be buried alive. No, says, Paul, Jesus gives us a better way to handle the situation: “Bless and do not curse.”
But how is that possible? Only one way. You have to believe that God Himself will someday settle accounts justly. That’s the thought that enabled Jesus to accept and endure persecution from His own people. In I Peter 2 we are exhorted to “follow His steps … who kept entrusting Himself to the One who judges righteously.” It’s a daily, hourly exercise—continually turning your situation over to the Great Vindicator, but that’s the way of love.
Love empathizes with a fellow believer. (15)
Verse 15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Paul is asking us to go to a step beyond sympathy here and to engage in genuine empathy, defined as “the capacity for participation in someone else’s feelings.” I think he’s suggesting that even under persecution or trial one should not allow himself to be so preoccupied with his own troubles that he becomes insensitive to the emotional needs of other believers.
It has often been noted that it is somewhat easier to fulfill the first half of this command than the second, because our natural inclination is more in the direction of feeling genuine sympathy with those in sorrow than to share the joy of their rejoicing, especially if we are envious of that which makes them so happy. But God wants us to share others’ joys as readily as their sorrows.
By the way, one of the practical ways we can fulfill this command is to attend weddings and funerals. That might seem like an odd exhortation, but I have noticed over the past twenty years that attending weddings and funerals is becoming less and less of a priority to many Christian people.
Love shows special regard for the down-and-out. (16)
Verse 16 reads, “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.” In the interest of time I want to focus upon that command, “be willing to associate with people of low position.” That’s what Jesus did, consistently. He was not a name-dropper; He did not go out of his way to be seen with the politically and religiously powerful. In fact, He did just the opposite, associating with tax-collectors, prostitutes, the racially outcast, and anyone else whom society deemed unworthy.
The fundamental truth here is that there is to be no aristocracy in the Church, no cliques of the wealthy as over against the poor, no pedestals of power reserved for the socially prominent. Ask yourself whether there’s a pattern in your social relationships that would reveal a problem here. Do you enjoy spending time only with those at least as well off as you are?
Love refuses to react in kind to evil. (17)
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil.” That doesn’t leave a lot of loopholes, does it? Even though we are subject to the same abuses and insults as the rest of society, we are not free to respond in the manner common to society. We are to absolutely refuse to regard an evil response to an evil action as legitimate. That means that when you hear that someone has bad-mouthed you, you don’t practice one-ups-man-ship. That means that if someone rips you off, you don’t immediately file suit on him. That means that if someone writes you a nasty letter, you don’t take out your poison pen and whip one back at them.
Love respects the scruples of others. (17)
The last half of verse 17 offers what seems at first to be strange advice: “Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.” I think what is meant is that there are certain things which all decent people in a society (Christians and non-Christians alike) agree upon as appropriate, and the believer shouldn’t violate such accepted standards. Like, for example, decent people use deodorant and don’t pick their noses or belch in public. Now God nowhere says it’s a sin to smell or to belch, but the Christian should still respect the mores of society. 2 Cor. 8:21 says something similar: “For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men.”
Love tries to live at peace with everyone. (18)
“If it is possible,” verse 18 reads, “as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” No doubt some who read only on the surface are inclined to respond, “How can I be expected to live at peace with those who are intent on making war?” The answer is, “You are not expected to do the impossible.” You are, however, first to do what is possible, and second, do it to the extent it depends on you. We are all responsible for our own actions, but we are not responsible for the actions of others. If disharmony and conflict should come, let not the charge be laid at our feet.
Don’t forget what Jesus said in Matt. 5:9: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” Some people are peacemakers by natural disposition, and what a joy it is to be associated with such people. But then there are some of us who become peacemakers only by a process of radical spiritual transformation.
Love rejects all motives of revenge. (19-21)
“Do not take revenge, my friends,” the text tells us. The foremost trait of human nature is self-defense. But there’s a very fine line between self-defense and revenge, and revenge is always wrong. But you know something? If you decide to take revenge, God will probably let you. He’ll just back off and let you punish that person. But you can’t possibly do as good a job as He can. So, by taking it into your own hands you’re actually letting that person, whom you feel needs so desperately to get his, get off easy instead. The Scripture exhorts us, “leave room for God’s wrath.”
Now let’s face it. The reason we so often take vengeance into our own hands is that, like Jonah, we’re afraid God will in His grace reach out to that person in love and mercy, or at the very least God will be longsuffering, waiting to visit His wrath on the wrongdoer. We want him to burn ‘em and to burn ‘em now. But God isn’t that way. He’s slow to anger, wanting the wrongdoer to have a change of heart so He can forgive him. (In fact, we each ought to be very grateful that the vengeance of God is not immediate—for our own sakes). Yet in His own time and in His own way God will deal with the wicked. That is not a responsibility He has delegated to us. He alone can take vengeance without injury to innocent parties.
But you say, “What do you expect me to do? Somebody wrongs me terribly. Do you expect me just to do nothing? Oh no. There is something you can do—you can be kind to him. In fact, in so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head. (verse 20). The phrase “you will heap burning coals on his head,” is offered as the motivation for the kindness shown to an enemy, so I think it is very important that we understand the meaning of this statement. Some have traditionally seen it as simply meaning “you will burn him.” If you’ve got an enemy and you really want to see him burn, be extra nice to him—he won’t be able to stand it! Now that’s hardly in the spirit of this passage.
Better is the interpretation which takes the heaping of the coals as a way of producing a burning sense of shame and remorse in our enemy with the hope that he will repent and be restored. After all, coals of fire on his head now are to be preferred to burning in the Lake of Fire later.
Still another viewpoint sees the heaping of the coals as having nothing to do with burning the individual, but rather relates to the ancient way of lighting fires. They did not have matches in those days, so if your neighbor’s fire went out, he would have to come to your house to see if he could borrow some coals to light his fire. Now, if he were a good neighbor, you would readily fill the jar he carried on his head with live coals. This became a picture of an ample generous response to a neighbor’s need. But what if the neighbor were an enemy? You could choose to let him and his family suffer in the cold, but God’s way would be to heap coals on his head anyway, and perhaps such a response would end up changing him from an enemy to a friend.
The meaning of the word picture may be in doubt, but the summary is not. It is given in verse 21: “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” I would assume that being overcome with evil means allowing evil to determine our responses and our reactions. Instead we should make every effort to demonstrate that love can get victory over evil, if pursued diligently.
There was a time when David was being pursued by Saul, who had every intention of snuffing out David’s life. David was hiding in the recesses of a cave at Engedi when Saul entered the cave and fell asleep. David cut off a piece of Saul’s robe and when Saul left the cave David followed him, showed him the piece, proving that he could have killed Saul, and begged him for peace. Saul responded, “You have repaid me good whereas I have repaid you evil.” Saul was overcome by evil. David had learned how to overcome evil with good.
Conclusion: I’m sure all of us have felt some conviction this morning. The demands of love are heavy, and no half-hearted effort is going to suffice if these characteristics are to be demonstrated in our lives. On the other hand, the greatest effort in the world will be insufficient by itself. These are just so many platitudes that will remain beyond our reach unless we appropriate the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit daily.
Yet we must recognize that the Holy Spirit lives only in those who are God’s children by faith in Jesus Christ. Don’t try to live the Christian life unless you are first a Christian—the effort will be doomed to failure. And how do you become a Christian? By acknowledging your sin before God and receiving the free gift of forgiveness that Jesus offers through His death on the Cross.
DATE: November 12, 1995
Tags:
Love
Sincerity
Hospitality
Persecution
Revenge
[i] Ray C. Stedman, Expository Studies in Romans 9-16, From Guilt to Glory, Vol. II, 106.
[ii] Steve Zeisler, “Love Lessons,” a sermon preached at Peninsula Bible Church, Nov. 14, 1993,
Catalog #4354, 3.
[iii] Stuart Briscoe, The Preachers Commentary, Romans, 224