Graveside service for Mary Louise Andrus
Thursday, December 12, 2019 (died December 8)
Note: My dear mother died in December of 2019, and the family held a graveside service for her at the cemetery just outside the entrance to John Brown University, where my father was buried in 2006. Since my older brother could not be present, I was asked to conduct the brief service. We had intended to have a full memorial service for her shortly afterward when the whole family could gather, but that was postponed because of Covid until the 4th of July weekend in 2021.
Obituary: Mary Louise Andrus, 101 of Siloam Springs, Arkansas, died December 8, 2019 at Go Ye Village Health Center, Tahlequah, Oklahoma. She was born July 18, 1918 at Braham, Minnesota to Edwin and Clara Roth. Mary grew up and graduated from high school in Mora, Minnesota. She graduated from nurse’s training at Ethel Hospital in Minneapolis, Minnesota in 1939 with a R.N. degree. Mary married Roger Joel Andrus on December 6, 1939 in Phoenix, Arizona, they moved to Arkansas in 1982. Roger and Mary lived in Siloam Springs from 1996-2006 and attended Covenant Church.
She was preceded in death by her parents, her husband and four half siblings. Survivors include her children David Andrus and wife Cynthia of Siloam Springs, Arkansas, Anna Jones and husband Glen of Siloam Springs, Arkansas, Mary Stoy and husband Robert of Altanta, Georgia, Michael Andrus and wife Jan of Wichita, Kansas and Joel Andrus and wife Donna of Indianola, Iowa; thirteen grandchildren, numerous great grandchildren and two great great grandchildren.
Tribute: I wrote the following tribute to my mother when she turned 100. It was read at her memorial service in Des Moines on July 4, 2021, by my son Eddie.
Mary Louise Andrus has lived well. Some of the descriptive terms that fit her best are godly, moral, faithful, grateful, hospitable, and active. Her godliness is evident to all who know her. She loves God’s Word, memorized vast portions of it, lived it to a remarkable degree, and has prayed faithfully, especially for her friends and family. She talks often of heaven and she “loves His appearing,” longing to be part of that remnant that will be “caught up together with them in the clouds.” She definitely does not feel at home in this world anymore, if she ever did.
Her morality is evident in the language she uses and avoids, what she watches and reads, and how she treats people. I never once heard my mother use so much as a slang word, to say nothing of a swear word (Dad, on the other hand, once used the word “crap”, not as a swear word but to describe a pile of junk, but he did use it!). Her reading list included poetry, classical literature, and theology but not romance novels or pop culture magazines. She is honest to a fault and would rather be wronged than to wrong someone else. In her last years she would watch Fox News once in a while, but then she would call and ask, “What is this world coming to?”
Mom’s faithful care for our dad and her husband of 67 years was legendary. I’m sure she and my father had some disagreements, but I never saw them. She was the antithesis of a women’s libber, serving Dad hand and foot and enjoying every minute of it. She adored him and has missed him every day since he died at the age of 91 in December of 2006. Mom has also been faithful to her children. She and Dad would pray for one of their children and his/her family each day. My day was Wednesday, perhaps because I was the middle child. I look forward to learning someday how many personal crises were averted by those prayers. Wednesdays were good days.
Mother’s gratefulness is constantly expressed. So often we have heard her say, “I just don’t understand why God has been so good to me.” Especially is that expressed in regard to her family—5 children, 17 grandchildren, and well over 30 great grandchildren without a single death or divorce or case of cancer. Far more important to her, the vast majority of her progeny are committed believers with whom she looks forward to one day being reunited.
Mom viewed hospitality as a calling from God. As I was growing up, though we had little in the way of worldly goods, there were almost always guests at our table for Sunday dinner and frequently at other times. The meals weren’t fancy but they were nutritious and served with love. Desserts were fancy and never missing. Devotions always followed the evening meal.
Mom, much like her dad, Grandpa Roth, was forever active. Neither of them seemed to be able to sit for more than a few minutes without jumping up to tend to something. In fact, that was what she has regretted most about her final years—being moved from bed to chair to bed, without ever being able to do anything “productive.” While she is a registered nurse, Mom never worked outside the home after her first child was born. But she certainly worked in the home. In fact, she used virtually every skill learned in nursing school just handling the medical crises of her most accident-prone child, yours truly.
Mother was always the same in plenty or in want. Until all of us kids were grown and gone, our family always lived in apartments, parsonages or rented houses. Some of those dwellings were less than satisfactory, while a few others were quite nice. I remember that some months after we had moved from a really poor rental house on the wrong side of the tracks in north Webster Groves to a beautiful home in Clayton, Mo. that was donated to the college for the President’s residence (Dad was then President of Midwest Bible College), my Mom commented one day, “The test of prosperity is harder than the test of adversity.” What she meant is that she found it easier to trust the Lord when she had little than when she had much. A good lesson to learn!
The first house my parents ever owned was in Overland Park, KS after Dad resigned as President of Calvary Bible College and Mom was already in her late 50’s. However, they only lived there for two years when Dad accepted a pastorate in Omaha, and they found themselves back in a parsonage. Mom’s favorite home was the simple lake house near Eureka Springs where she and dad retired after that last pastorate. For 14 years they lived there, ministering to their neighbors and to the family of Lone Star Bible Church. There she reveled in meditation and there she wrote most of her amazing poetry and memorized some 50 chapters of Scripture. She planted flowers in the Arkansas rocks and welcomed her children and grandchildren whenever they were able to visit.
The story of how Mom and Dad acquired the lake house is worth telling. After 50 years in ministry they were essentially destitute, as Calvary Bible College canceled Dad’s pension due to financial pressures. The lake house was purchased through a mortgage underwritten equally by all five of their children through a partnership called Andrus, Jones and Stoy. However, God provided unexpectedly through a generous bequest from a great aunt of Dad’s, and that gift enabled the folks to repay their children, give generously to the Lord’s work, and live comfortably, though frugally, for the next 30 years. The bequest is now almost depleted, but what a testimony to the truth of Ps. 37:25: “I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.”
From the lake house the folks moved to Siloam Springs, Arkansas, to be near Anna and Glen and David and Cindy. After ten good years there they made the hard choice to move to Go Ye Village in Tahlequah, OK. The timing was providential because both were still ambulatory (a requirement), but just a few months later Dad fell and had to move into assisted living; six months later he fell again, broke a hip, and left for Home. Mom moved twice to smaller apartments, then to assisted living, and finally to the medical unit. She has been lonely in the medical unit because her poor hearing makes it almost impossible for her to visit with other residents, or even with her children by phone. In addition, her memory has failed her, and she cannot remember the many visits she receives, often telling us that she “never sees anyone, not even a cleaning lady,” even though one of us may have spent several hours with her the day before. She rarely complains about her circumstances or the care she receives. Thankfully she experiences no pain and regularly expresses gratitude for that.
I don’t remember my mom ever expressing disappointment in me. Believe me, it’s not that I never gave her reason, and I was frequently disciplined. In fact, in our home it was generally assumed I was the culprit for anything that went wrong unless there was incontrovertible evidence to the contrary. However, Mom always made it clear that she believed in me and expected me to make right choices. While I didn’t always do so, I think her positive expectations were very motivating.
Most of mother’s friends have preceded her in death, but she maintained a very loving relationship with her friend from 3rd grade in Minnesota, Elaine Carlson, with whom she corresponded until the past few years; with Eileen Krestan, her dear friend and prayer partner from Tulsa, OK, who was buried on Mom’s birthday in July, 2015; and with the fellow-residents at Go Ye Village who dropped in on her regularly, especially Miriam, Ethyl, and Priscilla. Her children have visited her as regularly as possible, but special gratitude goes to David, who took care of her financial affairs for the past decade.
We will miss you, Mom, when that Day comes, but we will rejoice in the amazing improvement in quality of life that you will experience!
Mother’s Graveside Service
Scripture: I read Psalm 27 and Psalm 46, two of Mom’s favorites, which she had memorized and often quoted.
Message: For a brief devotional I want to read 2 Cor. 5:1-10 from Eugene Peterson’s version, called The Message:
We know that when these bodies of ours are taken down like tents and folded away, they will be replaced by resurrection bodies in heaven— God-made, not handmade—and we’ll never have to relocate our “tents” again. Sometimes we can hardly wait to move—and so we cry out in frustration. Compared to what’s coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and we’re tired of it! We’ve been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less.
That’s why we live with such good cheer. You won’t see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet! Cramped conditions here don’t get us down. They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead. It’s what we trust in but don’t yet see that keeps us going. Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us? When the time comes, we’ll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming.
But neither exile nor homecoming is the main thing. Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that’s what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions. Sooner or later we’ll all have to face God, regardless of our conditions. We will appear before Christ and take what’s coming to us as a result of our actions, either good or bad.
That keeps us vigilant, you can be sure. It’s no light thing to know that we’ll all one day stand in that place of Judgment. That’s why we work urgently with everyone we meet to get them ready to face God.
Our bodies begin to deteriorate the moment we’re born, and the rate of deterioration speeds up considerably as time goes on. Children and teens don’t notice it, of course, but those of you in 30’s and 40’s are already getting a taste of it, those in 50’s and 60’s understand it quite well, and for the really old—like Joel, Glen and Anna—it’s a no-brainer.
But when a person is not only old but, in addition, suffers from physical deterioration as Mom has for the past 5 years, there is greater understanding of what the Apostle Paul means when he talks about his earth suit wearing out and what he expects to happen when it finally goes kaput.
But interestingly, though death is prominent in Paul’s thoughts, this is not really the somber passage we might expect. It is actually a wonderfully encouraging preview of what we all have to look forward to, if we know Christ as Paul knew Him.
Paul shares 3 great truths about the future we can sink our teeth into.
The next body is permanent.
The next life is far superior.
The next home is with the Lord.
The next body is permanent. Our present body is temporary, but it will be replaced with one that lasts forever. Paul, you know, was a tentmaker, so when he speaks of our present body as an earthly tent, it’s a very apt illustration. Tents are by their very nature temporary housing. After a while the stakes begin to loosen, the poles begin to bend, the canvas sags in various spots, the cold penetrates, and it’s anything but comfortable.
But it is only temporary. When we’re through with the tent, it’s going to be replaced with a house. What kind of house? Well, its nature is eternal, its location is heaven, and its builder is God. No wonder he’s looking forward to the next body!
The next life is far superior. Paul mentions one thing that characterizes this life, and that is groaning. It isn’t constant, but it is inevitable, and there are many things that produce it: our bodies no longer work like they once did, we are in pain, we experience dashed hopes and dreams, there are broken relationships, and on top of all that there is an incredible amount of evil all around us.
Mom didn’t groan much about her physical condition except when she was experiencing unusual suffering. But she sure groaned a lot about the state of morality in our country. And, of course, being isolated as she was from the news, she really didn’t know the half of it. In the next life there will be none of that, no groaning, no tears.
But there is another cause of groaning which Paul mentions in the second verse, and which Mom surely practiced: “Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling.” Paul is expressing here a deep inner desire for something better than this body offers. The more we suffer and the closer we get to death, the more we long for that resurrection body that is described in 1 Cor. 15:42-44:
The body that is sown (or buried) is perishable, it is raised imperishable;
it is buried in dishonor, it is raised in glory;
it is buried in weakness, it is raised in power;
it is buried a natural body, it is raised a supernatural body.
One of the strange things I often witness at funerals is people gathering around a dead body and commenting about how good the person looks, how natural. The mortician is rated on how much of an artist he is. The fact is, death is not pretty. There’s not much left of the sweet, huggable Mom we have known. But the resurrection is going to change all that. Will it ever!
The next home is with the Lord. Verse 6-8: “Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. (We live by faith, not by sight). We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.” That has been Mom’s constant theme for quite a while now.
Paul doesn’t worry himself here about where heaven is, nor with its topography, nor with its physical features. It’s enough for him that heaven is “home with the Lord.” In that great passage of comfort in John 14 where Jesus tells His disciples, “Do not let your hearts be troubled”, He actually gives them very little information about heaven–just that it’s a place. But He does tell that “I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” Paul just wants to be where Jesus is. That’s all Mom wanted, too. Well, she also wanted to be where Dad is, but that’s the same place.
How then should we live? If we really believe that God has prepared a resurrection body for us, and if we really desire to be at home with the Lord, how should that affect our daily living now? Paul gives his answer in verses 9 and 10:
Our goal must be to please Him, for judgment is coming. (5:9-10)
So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.
Pleasing Him should be our full-time occupation. It was Mom’s. She didn’t do it perfectly—none of us does—but she surely lived her life in such a way that she didn’t have to be ashamed at His coming.
It’s time for all of us to say with Paul and with Mom, “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”