Mary and Martha: Clash of Temperaments
Introduction: Let’s begin today by reading our text, just five verses from Luke 10:38-42:
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
One of these days I am planning to preach a series entitled “Great Church Fights.” That’s the title of a great little book by a Baptist pastor, Leslie B. Flynn. It’s on conflict in the believer’s life. You’d be amazed at how much conflict is recorded in Scripture—some positive, some negative, and some neutral. Positive conflict occurs when someone has the courage to confront someone else over matters essential to the gospel, as when Paul confronted Peter in Galatians 2 and rebuked him to his face for hypocrisy and heresy. Conflict is negative when the person stirring it up is acting out of jealousy or is a troublemaker or a hard-core antagonist, as when Diotrephes the church boss ran some people off in 3 John or when Sanballat and Tobiah tried to hinder Nehemiah’s rebuilding of the wall of Jerusalem.
But some of the conflicts in Scripture are morally neutral. That is, they are generated by differences in personality and perspective, not by heresy or by sin. When Paul and Barnabas split up their great missionary team in Acts 15, and when Euodia and Synteche got into a donnybrook in Philippians 4, the Scriptures don’t seem to fault either party. I think the Bible recognizes that we are all wired differently, that there are people whom we love in Christ but don’t particularly like. Divergence of viewpoint is part and parcel of the human condition, and that’s OK. It’s unity that God is after in the church, not uniformity. Uniformity is boring. What we need to learn to do is to disagree agreeably.
Now the conflict revealed in our text today didn’t really result in a fight, but it could have. Had Mary responded angrily to Martha’s criticism or had Jesus not been the gentle peacemaker he is, this could have become an ugly situation. As I have analyzed this passage, I have concluded that a large part of this particular conflict was simply the result of differences in temperament.
A number of years ago Tim LaHaye wrote a book entitled Spirit-Controlled Temperament. In it he enumerated four different basic temperaments, the strengths and weaknesses of each, and ways to bring one’s temperament more in line with the will of God. He didn’t originate the notion of four temperaments; actually the concept goes back 400 years before Christ to the time of Hippocrates. He contended that every individual is one of four temperament types:
Sanguine – lively, warm, buoyant, friendly
Choleric – active, practical, strong-willed, extroverted
Melancholy – sensitive, emotional, self-sacrificing, gifted, perfectionistic
Phlegmatic – calm, cool, slow, easy-going, contemplative
Now undoubtedly there is a certain amount of reality to these classifications, for it seems that we all inherit certain basic traits from our parents or grandparents. We each come out of some kind of mold that seems to predict many of our responses and moods. But before too much emphasis can be placed upon these temperaments, several warnings must be issued.
Temperament is not the same as character. Temperament is the combination of inherited traits that subconsciously affect our behavior, while character is the result of our temperament being modified by training, education, beliefs and experiences. It is possible for a person of any temperament to become a person of strong character and pleasing personality. None of the temperaments condemns a person to mediocrity or failure, though it may limit the kind of career a person chooses or the kind of ministry he gets involved in. For example, a melancholy person will probably not be a very good salesman and a choleric generally does not make a very good therapist.
Temperaments must not be used to excuse oneself in ways like this: “Oh, I couldn’t help blowing my temper because I’m a choleric,” or “I couldn’t help yielding to that lustful temptation because I’m a sanguine.” These categorizations are really only descriptions of our natural tendencies, not iron-clad straightjackets we can’t escape.
Nor must we stereotype other people with the temperament categories. It’s easy to analyze certain people and begin to impute traits to them that they may not have on the basis of a certain category. Very few people fit any one temperament entirely.
But despite the warnings just given about potential misuse of the temperaments, there nevertheless seems to be such a thing as temperament classification, and I believe it is helpful if we recognize it. In fact, many biblical characters have very recognizable temperaments.
The prophet Elijah and the apostle Thomas were melancholy.
Peter was sanguine.
Paul was choleric.
Abraham seems to have been phlegmatic.
I see no evidence that God attempted to change any of these individuals from the temperament they were born with to some other temperament. As a matter of fact, that wouldn’t even be desirable, for each of the temperaments has major strengths as well as some weaknesses. But there is much evidence that God wants to modify our temperaments to the point that the temperament weaknesses recess and the strengths are accentuated.
This process of temperament modification is what I would call Christian maturation. It is brought about as the Holy Spirit is allowed to apply the fruit of the Spirit to our raw temperaments.
Now that’s a long introduction to the story of Mary and Martha, but I believe some understanding of temperament and character is necessary in order to grasp the full meaning of this passage. Martha is an outstanding example of a melancholy temperament. Mary her sister (and this is Mary of Bethany, not Mary Magdalene or Mary the mother of Jesus) is a little harder to classify, partly because we know less about her, but I would suggest she was primarily phlegmatic.
Our text opens with the information that Jesus and his disciples were on their way (perhaps to Jerusalem) when they came to a certain village where Mary and Martha lived. We know from other New Testament passages that this was the village of Bethany, just a few miles from Jerusalem, and that these two sisters also had a brother named Lazarus (though he doesn’t appear in this story). The impression is given that Martha was the elder of the two sisters and the owner of the home. The first main character we meet is Martha, whom I have called …
Martha, the Melancholy
The traits that have historically been attached to the melancholy temperament can be divided into positive and negative. Positively, the melancholy person tends to be very sensitive, emotional, self-sacrificing, gifted, perfectionistic, and a very faithful friend. Negatively, he or she tends to be self-absorbed, easily offended, pessimistic, critical, and prone to persecution complexes. While the melancholy person is a very faithful friend, he or she tends to have relatively few close friends because of the tendency toward negative thinking. Now keep those general traits in mind as we look at the account of Martha.
Love leads to service. It always does. When we love someone, we want to serve them. Martha loved Jesus. In fact, she loved Him as much as Mary loved Him. She loved Him enough to invite Him (and His disciples) to stay at her home whenever He was in the area, even though the increased opposition He was experiencing from the authorities made this a dangerous proposition for her. She loved Him enough to clean the house, polish the silverware, get out the candles, and prepare a six-course meal, including His favorite hors d’oeuvres. True love always generates service. But there’s a second very important principle to observe:
Service without devotion leads to distraction. Whenever we do work for God without sufficient worship of God, we are in danger of becoming distracted. Verse 40 tells us that Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. The term used in the original means “to be pulled or dragged away.” She allowed her attention to be dragged away from the guest to the preparation for the guest.
Have you ever noticed that in wanting to be kind to people, we often make the mistake of wanting to be kind to them in our own way? We take them places we want to go and offer to do things we want to do, rather than asking the question, “Where would you like to go? What would you like to do?” And if our efforts are not appreciated, we take offense.
Jesus is on his way to Jerusalem – to die. The weight of the cross before Him must already be felt very heavily. He comes to the home in Bethany with a great need for quiet and rest from the demanding crowds, if only for a few hours. But Martha rushes and fusses and complains. That is precisely what Jesus did not need. I’m not criticizing her motives – they were undoubtedly the highest. It’s just that she wanted to be kind in her own way rather than in the way that would minister best to Him. Martha was undoubtedly a great cook, but maybe she should have asked Jesus, “What would you like?” Perhaps he would have said, “A bagel with cream cheese would be just fine.”
Bob and Jan Taylor were a delightful couple in our church in Wichita. When we first accepted the pastorate there, we were invited out fairly frequently to people’s homes. We enjoyed some great meals in some beautiful dining rooms, with crystal, china, and the whole nine yards. One day the Taylors invited us over for Sunday dinner. Jan served pizza on paper plates and coke in the bottle. She explained, “We invited you over because we want to get to know you, so we’re just going to eat in the living room and talk.” You know, I’ve forgotten what we had at every one of those other dinners, but I’ll never forget pizza at the Taylors.
Distraction leads to agitation. In verse 41 Jesus speaks, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things.” The term for “upset” here in verse 41 is the normal one for tumult or riot. She was in a stew. She was frazzled and fried. He could see it on her face. He could hear it in her voice. Four times in the Sermon on the Mount alone Jesus warned about this sort of worry and anxiety. For example,
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:25-27).
It’s sad how often our service for Christ produces stress rather than peace and satisfaction? It shouldn’t, friend. If we’re doing something we’re gifted at and if we’re doing it for the right reason, it shouldn’t be resulting in agitation and irritation. If there is something wrong, we may need to reexamine our motives, our mission, or our method.
Agitation leads to accusation. Martha says to Jesus, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?” There is an accusation here toward Jesus and also toward her sister. She accuses Jesus of not caring and Mary of not helping.
I have a friend of whom I’ve spoken before. He’s an archaeologist in Israel and he was out excavating recently and dug up a diary which purports to be a page from the diary of Martha. It gives a slightly fuller account of what was going through Martha’s mind during this little incident. I can’t guarantee the authenticity of this document, but if it’s not original, it is at least very ancient. It begins with a prayer:
Lord of all pots and pans and things,
Since I’ve not time to be
A saint by doing lovely things
Or watching late with Thee,
Or dreaming in the dawn light
Or storming heaven’s gates,
Make me a saint by getting meals
And washing up the plates.[i]
Something may have been lost in the process of translating that from Aramaic; I’m not sure. At any rate, Martha goes on,
“This certainly is irritating. I’ve been slaving away now for two and a half hours. Mary helped for a while, but just as soon as Jesus knocked on the door, she deserted me. I don’t know what she expects to eat. This food sure won’t cook itself.
If only he had told us he and his disciples were coming, I could have had the silver polished and the floors waxed, but I don’t know how I’ll ever get it done now without her help.
I’ve been to the doorway twice now and glared at her. And I’ve sighed three times and yet she refuses to pay any attention whatsoever to me. She acts as though she doesn’t know I’m here.
I simply can’t understand Jesus – he’s such an enigma to me. He performs astounding miracles and yet he doesn’t seem to know or care that I’m in here slaving away. I think I’ll go in and tell them both what I think!”
Frankly, it’s not that unusual for people in ministry to get upset when others don’t carry their fair share of the load. We’re not above using guilt to motivate, letting people know how disappointed we are in them, or even getting mad at God. “I’ve prayed about this and he doesn’t seem to care!”
Now friends, let me repeat, the problem with Martha is not her temperament. Some of the greatest servants of God are melancholy. In fact, LaHaye writes,
No temperament has so much natural potential when energized by the Holy Spirit as the Melancholy. Many of the world’s great geniuses – artists, musicians, inventors, philosophers, educators, and theoreticians, were of the melancholy temperament. It is interesting to note that many outstanding Bible characters were either predominantly melancholy in temperament or had strong melancholy tendencies, such as Moses, Elijah, Solomon, the Apostle John and many others.[ii]
The problem is that Martha allowed some of the negative characteristics of her temperament to dominate, like a tendency to be critical or to nurse a persecution complex, rather than allowing the Holy Spirit to accentuate the positive traits, like sensitivity and self-sacrifice. Martha spent too much time evaluating the walk of others and too little time being self-critical of her own actions.
Now let’s turn our attention to the second of these two sisters.
Mary, the Phlegmatic
As I stated earlier, Mary is a little harder to classify temperamentally than is Martha, partly because we have less information. She actually has some traits of both sanguine and phlegmatic, but the latter seems to dominate. It is possible that one of the reasons she is difficult to classify is that her temperament has been modified, the sharp corners rubbed off, through the time she has spent with Jesus.
As we are introduced to Mary in this passage, we see first that …
Love leads also to devotion. Remember, we said earlier that love leads to service. Now we see that it leads also to devotion. There is a little word in the original that for some reason is left out of our NIV translation. Verse 39 literally reads, “She had a sister called Mary, who also sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.” She didn’t just serve, she also sat. She had done some of what Martha was doing first, but now she is preoccupied with spiritual things
This turns the issue to one of priorities. There is a time and place for everything. There is a time for preparation and there is a time for devotion. Do you know that there really is no biblical precedent for contemplation as a vocation? The monks who spend their lives in isolation from people in prayer and meditation are not doing so on the basis of any biblical principle. Devotion is necessary, but it is not sufficient. It’s devotion plus service that God has called us to. True love leads also to devotion.
Devotion, in turn, leads to preoccupation. Mary’s preoccupation with Jesus is seen in several ways. She sat at his feet and she listened to what he said. You don’t sit at someone’s feet unless you’re completely absorbed by that person. It’s a posture of worship or at least strong adoration. But it’s also important to note that she didn’t just sit at his feet; she listened. In our day and time, the eastern religions have become very popular. People are doing yoga, learning meditation, using mantras and crystals, but sadly much of this spirituality is bypassing the intellect. The key seems to be putting your mind in neutral so you can get in touch with the forces of the Eternal. Truth becomes whatever you want it to be.
Mary listened to what Jesus said, because she believed He had the words of eternal life. There is no more important preoccupation for us than the presence and the words of Jesus.
Preoccupation leads to commendation. Look again at verse 41: “‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’” I find it instructive that Jesus doesn’t blast Martha out of the water. In fact, he addressed her with very fatherly affection.
I address my young son in different ways depending upon what I’m trying to communicate. Under normal circumstances he’s “Andy.” When he hears me say, “Andrew Roger,” he’d best pay a little more attention. On the other hand, there are times when he does something off the wall—not intentionally, mind you—and I’m likely to say to him, “Andy, Andy, why did you do that?” He immediately knows I’m going to reason with him, not discipline him. It is with this kind of parental affection that Jesus says, “Martha, Martha.”
And he tells her, “Only one thing is needed.” Some good manuscripts read, “few things are needful, really only one.” One liberal commentator interprets this to mean, “Martha, you’ve fixed a six-course meal. Only one dish would be sufficient.” But if that was what Jesus meant, surely it was only a surface meaning. The whole context implies that Jesus is speaking of the fact that life has few real necessities, and we can do without many of the things on which we lavish time, effort, and resources. In fact, these things all lose their meaning and significance if the better is left undone, and the one best thing is worship.
Mary, says Jesus, has chosen something better than any dish on the table—fellowship with Jesus. And it is something that cannot be taken away from her. You eat a six-course meal and you’re hungry again in six hours, to say nothing of the cleanup required afterwards. But time spent in prayer, meditation and worship is of eternal benefit, and it leaves one spiritually refreshed and satisfied to boot!
Conclusion: I don’t think Jesus is giving his approval to the phlegmatic temperament of Mary over against Martha’s melancholy temperament. I really don’t think Jesus is interested in tampering with our basic temperament types at all. But I do believe this passage teaches us that a person must allow Jesus Christ, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to accentuate the positive traits and nullify the negative ones in a program of dynamic character-building.
Jesus is not even saying that a life of quiet contemplation and worship is right, while an active life of Christian service is wrong. But He is saying that we should not busy ourselves with outward things to the extent that we neglect the worship and adoration of the Lord.
A number of years ago the newspaper ran an account of a christening party in a wealthy Boston suburb. The parents opened their palatial home to scores of friends and relatives who came to celebrate the wonderful event. As the party was moving along and the people were having a wonderful time eating and drinking and celebrating, someone said, “By the way, where is the baby?” The heart of the mother skipped a beat, and she instantly left the room and rushed into the master bedroom, where she had left the baby asleep in the middle of the massive bed. There she found him—dead, smothered by the coats of the guests.
Could it be that our Savior God is sometimes treated that way in our lives or in His church? We are so busy celebrating, programming, planning, recruiting, teaching, singing, and serving that He is ignored and ends up being smothered by the coats of the guests.
Will you bow with me for a moment of silent prayer as we confess our failure to sit at his feet and listen.
I close with a prayer written by an unnamed Puritan:
GLORIOUS GOD
It is the flame of my life to worship thee,
the crown and glory of my soul to adore thee,
heavenly pleasure to approach thee.
Give me power by thy Spirit to help me worship now,
That I may forget the world,
be brought into fullness of life,
be refreshed, comforted, blessed.
Give me knowledge of thy goodness
that I might not be overawed by thy greatness;
Give me Jesus, Son of Man, Son of God,
that I might not be terrified,
but be drawn near with filial love,
with holy boldness;
He is my mediator, brother, interpreter,
branch, daysman, Lamb;
him I glorify,
in him I am set on high.
Crowns to give I have none,
but what thou hast given I return,
content to feel that everything is mine when it is thine,
and the more fully mine when I have yielded it to thee.
Let me live wholly to my Saviour,
free from distractions,
from anxious care,
from hindrances to the pursuit of the narrow way.
I am pardoned through the blood of Jesus—
give me a new sense of it,
continue to pardon me by it,
may I come every day to the fountain,
and every day be washed anew,
that I may worship thee always in spirit and truth.[iii]
Tags:
Temperament
Conflict
Character
Worship
[i] Klara Munkres, Kitchen Prayer, http://www.appleseeds.org/kitchen-prayer.htm.
[ii] Tim LaHaye, Spirit-Controlled Temperament.
[iii] Valley of Vision, Banner of Truth, https://banneroftruth.org/us/devotional/worship/.