SERIES: Colossians: Christ is the Answer
The Friendship Factor
SCRIPTURE: Colossians 4:7-18
SPEAKER: Michael P. Andrus
Introduction: We have been involved for the past three months in a study of the NT book of Colossians. I entitled the series, “Christ is the Answer,” because no book in the Bible focuses as much attention on the person and work of Jesus Christ as this book. To review briefly, it tells us that Jesus is the image of the invisible God, the first-born over all creation. By Him all things were created and in Him all things hold together. He is the head of the Church. In Him are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge and in Him all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form. He is the head over every power and authority—human and supernatural—and He has triumphed over them all by the cross.
But Jesus Christ is also our Savior, the one who forgives our sin, who helps us replace the grave clothes of sin with the grace clothes of right living. The peace of Christ, the word of Christ, and the name of Christ work together to help us live out our faith in marriage, in the family, and at work. And proper vertical and horizontal relationships, as we saw last Sunday, are grounded in Him.
Now in the final section of Colossians, the last half of chapter 4, the Apostle Paul delivers some greetings to and from a number of his friends. It was customary in those days to close every letter with extensive personal greetings, because friends did not see one another much, and letter service was very slow and unreliable (some things never change). Some might view this list of names as rather odd subject matter to consume precious space in Holy Scripture, let alone in such a lofty treatise on the doctrine of Christ, but I believe it is eminently appropriate.
Doctrine, no matter how lofty, is never removed from practical living. And if we believe the right things about Christ, one of the inevitable results will be right relationships with people. In other words, friendship is of the essence of Christianity, and it is friendship which comes through most strongly to me in this passage. Please pay attention to the reading of God’s Word from Colossians 4:7-18:
Tychicus will tell you all the news about me. He is a dear brother, a faithful minister and fellow servant in the Lord. 8 I am sending him to you for the express purpose that you may know about our circumstances and that he may encourage your hearts. 9 He is coming with Onesimus, our faithful and dear brother, who is one of you. They will tell you everything that is happening here.
10 My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. (You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him.) 11 Jesus, who is called Justus, also sends greetings. These are the only Jews among my co-workers for the kingdom of God, and they have proved a comfort to me. 12 Epaphras, who is one of you and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends greetings. He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured. 13 I vouch for him that he is working hard for you and for those at Laodicea and Hierapolis. 14 Our dear friend Luke, the doctor, and Demas send greetings. 15 Give my greetings to the brothers and sisters at Laodicea, and to Nympha and the church in her house.
16 After this letter has been read to you, see that it is also read in the church of the Laodiceans and that you in turn read the letter from Laodicea.
17 Tell Archippus: “See to it that you complete the ministry you have received in the Lord.”
18 I, Paul, write this greeting in my own hand. Remember my chains. Grace be with you.
Friendship crosses racial, social, economic, and gender barriers.
The first thing that strikes me about the dozen friends Paul names in our text today is the wide variety in their backgrounds. Some are Jewish, like Aristarchus, John Mark, and Jesus Justus. Others are Gentile, like Epaphras, Luke, and Demas. One is a slave while another is a doctor. One is a woman while the others are men. (By the way, if that seems out of balance, it’s probably because women didn’t travel much, and since Paul had probably never been to Colosse all of his contacts were people who had traveled elsewhere to meet him. On the other hand, when we read the last chapter of Romans, written to a church he visited many times, we find that fully ten of the individuals named there are women). The message that comes through to me is that Christianity crosses all barriers.
Examine your own friendships. Are they all of one stripe? Do you gravitate only to those who are like you in education or social status? Are they all from this church? Do they all think as you think? If so, you are probably depriving yourself of some major benefits, like broadening your own horizons and opening up new avenues of ministry. Paul had no such needs because his friends came from all walks of life.
Friendship demonstrates, or perhaps better, thrives on a servant’s heart. (7-13)
Paul was certainly a large-hearted man. One can’t read his epistles, or the things written about him in the book of Acts, without seeing what an incredible servant he was to people in general. But Paul is now in prison and unable to minister directly to others except through his writing. His friends, however, had learned well from his example, and they demonstrate the same servant’s heart. I would like for us to look at several of these friends.
Tychicus (7) Three characteristics of this man are enumerated—he is a dear brother, faithful minister, fellow servant. He was a dear brother in that he was willing to stay with Paul even though the situation there in prison was difficult and the risk to his own freedom was significant. There’s absolutely no substitute to having a faithful friend at your side when everything seems to be against you!
Tychicus was also a faithful minister. Someone has said that the greatest ability in the world is dependability. Paul could count on Tychicus to get the job done even in his absence. He was also a fellow servant. Have you ever noticed how an associate of an important, powerful person often takes upon himself the aura of that person? Tychicus was associated with a servant—Paul—and he accepted the role of a fellow servant.
Epaphras (12-13) Look at verse 12: “Epaphras, who is one of you and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends greetings. He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured. I vouch for him that he is working hard for you and for those at Laodicea and Hierapolis.” This tells us two things Epaphras was and two things he did.
He was one of them and he was a servant of Christ. Colosse was Epaphras’ home own. He had been led to Christ through Paul’s ministry in Ephesus and had returned home to share the good news of salvation and to plant the church there. It is likely that he also founded the churches in Laodicea and Hierapolis, mentioned in verse 13. Sometimes we find it hardest to be effective disciples where we are best known. But being well known doesn’t have to be a handicap. If we are also servants of Christ, He can so transform us as to cause people to say, “Is this the guy I used to know? Whatever happened to him is something I need.”
Paul also tells us two things Epaphras did: he wrestled in prayer and he worked hard. Here is a classic example of the kind of prayer warrior Brad highlighted last Sunday. He prayed fervently, personally, and specifically. The fervency is evident from the word “wrestling,” the same word used to describe the intense praying of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. The personal nature of his prayer is seen in the phrase, “for you.” He didn’t pray around the world for everybody in general and nobody in particular, but rather for the believers in Colosse, undoubtedly by name.
The specificity is also mentioned: “He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured.” Once again we notice something very different about NT prayer from what we see often in the church today. We pray for people’s health and jobs and material needs of one kind or another; but the early Christians focused almost exclusively on one another’s spiritual needs.
But I see something else here. Epaphras didn’t just pray; he also worked. Paul says, “I vouch for him that he is working hard for you.” The combination of hard-praying and hard-working is unbeatable.
The message from both Tychicus and Epaphras is that friendship thrives with a servant’s heart. Allow me to add one more individual to this list of those who demonstrate a servant’s heart.
Aristarchus (10-11). This friend is mentioned as a fellow prisoner and as a fellow worker. Aristarchus was from Macedonia and was one of Paul’s traveling companions. He willingly risked his life in the Ephesian riot reported in Acts 19, and he sailed with Paul to Rome, according to Acts 27:2, which means he also experienced the storm and shipwreck Luke so graphically describes there. Aristarchus stayed with Paul no matter what the circumstances—a riot, a voyage, a storm, now even prison. Reader’s Digest ran this quote: “I value a friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.” That takes a servant’s heart, and that’s what Aristarchus had.
Friendship transcends grievances. (9-10)
If you have never learned to forgive grievances, you will have very few friends. Oh, you may have a lot of acquaintances, but you will have few, if any, intimate friendships. The fact is people will disappoint you, even those you like the most, but friendship must learn to transcend such things. Here in our passage Paul names two individuals against whom major grievances could have been filed. One had perpetrated a grievance against a key member of the church at Colosse, the other against Paul himself.
Onesimus (9). This man was a runaway slave who belonged to a Christian businessman from Colosse, named Philemon. The natural place for runaways to go was Rome, because it was easier to become lost in the anonymity of a large cosmopolitan population, and it was also easier to find work. How it happened we are not told, but somehow Onesimus met Paul in Rome and was won to Christ through his ministry. Paul sent him back to his master in Colosse with a letter asking Philemon to receive him back and forgive him.
Please be aware that Philemon had the legal right to torture or even kill Onesimus. Since Philemon was a believer, he would never do that, but there were other options—discipline him, sell him to another slave owner, or perhaps give him extra work to repay the loss Philemon had sustained while Onesimus was gone.
Paul, however, stacks the cards in Onesimus’ favor in verse 9 by referring to him as “our faithful and dear brother.” He also writes another letter to Philemon, known as the NT book of Philemon, promising to pay back whatever Onesimus had stolen. He also sends Onesimus with Tychicus back to Colosse to deliver both letters to the church there. It would be tough for Philemon to have these two letters read in the church and then refuse to forgive the wrongs. But transcending the grievance would allow the friendship between Philemon and Paul to deepen and a friendship between Philemon and Onesimus to begin.
Mark (10). This friend is identified in verse 10 simply as the cousin of Barnabas, but he is called John Mark elsewhere. There’s a lot more to his story than meets the eye here. About a dozen years before, Paul and Barnabas had set out on their first missionary journey. They took John Mark with them as their assistant, probably to take care of travel arrangements, supplies, etc. But when the going got tough, John Mark abandoned the preachers and returned home to Jerusalem. You can read about it in Acts 13:5-13.
Why Mark quit is not explained in the text. Perhaps he was afraid of the dangers the team faced; or perhaps he resented Paul taking over the leadership of the mission from his uncle Barnabas. Whatever the reason, Paul felt it was insufficient, and he counted Mark a deserter.
A little later, when Paul and Barnabas were laying plans for a second journey, Barnabas wanted to take Mark along again, but Paul refused (Acts 15:36-41). As a result, the great missionary team broke up, with Paul taking Silas and Barnabas going with John Mark. Whether Paul was resentful and unnecessarily stubborn about this matter is a subject of much debate, but we must give him credit for eventually forgiving Mark and giving him a second chance. When Paul was convinced that Mark had grown up, he accepted him back as a colleague in ministry in Rome, which is where we find him here in Col. 4. (By the way, God forgave Mark too, as evidenced by the fact that he was chosen to write one of the Four Gospels). Real friendship transcends grievances.
John Mark should be an encouragement to everyone who has failed in his first attempt to serve God. Myra Brooks Welch tells the story of a battered, scarred violin held up for bid by an auctioneer who hardly thought it worth his time. And it apparently wasn’t, for the final bid was a grudging three dollars. But as the auctioneer was calling, “Three dollars once, three dollars twice, going for three …” a gray-haired man came forward and picked up the bow, wiped the dust from the old instrument, tightened the strings, and played the most beautiful melody. When the music ceased, the auctioneer, holding it up with the bow, said in a different tone, “What am I bid for this old violin?” Instead of three dollars, it went for three thousand!
Welch then writes,
The people cheered, but some of the cried,
“We do not quite understand—
What changed its worth?” The man replied,
“THE TOUCH OF THE MASTER’S HAND.”
And many a man with a life out of tune,
And battered and torn with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd.
Much like the old violin.
A mess of pottage, a glass of wine,
A game, and he travels on.
He’s going once and going twice,
He’s going—and almost gone.
But the MASTER comes, and the foolish crowd
Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul, and the change that’s wrought
By the TOUCH OF THE MASTER’S HAND.[i]
Friendship sometimes results in wounds. (14)
Look at verse 14: “Our dear friend Luke, the doctor, and Demas send greetings.” My focus here is on Demas. No information is given in Colossians about this man, but he is mentioned in two other passages in the NT. He comes across as the opposite of John Mark. Whereas Mark started off poorly and ended up well, Demas started off well and ended up a shipwreck of faith.
In the book of Philemon, verse 24, Demas is referred to as Paul’s “fellow worker.” However, in 2 Timothy 4:10, written at the very end of Paul’s life, we find this sad request of Paul to his friend Timothy: “Do your best to come to me quickly, for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica.”
That’s the last time Demas is mentioned in Scripture, and the assumption would be that his desertion was final; otherwise, I believe God would have recorded his repentance and restoration. His sin was that he loved this present world more than God. The lure of travel, of business, of leisure, of luxury, of sports, of career—I don’t know exactly what his Achilles heel was, but I do know that every one of us has one. It is awfully easy to maintain a religious veneer while all the time we are living for the things of this world. Demas thought he could serve two masters, but eventually he had to make a decision; unfortunately, he made the wrong one.
It must have hurt Paul greatly when Demas forsook him, and all of us will face such wounds from time to time. A friend will turn against us; someone we trusted will betray us; perhaps even a family member will hurt us deeply. That’s a risk that friendship must take. If we choose to insulate ourselves from intimate relationships, we may prevent such wounds, but we will wound ourselves far more deeply by depriving ourselves of what can only be gained through friendship.
Friendship is honest and speaks the truth in love. (17)
Look at verse 17: “Tell Archippus: ‘See to it that you complete the work you have received in the Lord.'” What’s going on here? I’m not sure, but I’ll tell you what I read between the lines. It looks to me like Archippus had been given a gift or a ministry by the Lord and he was failing to fulfill it in some respect. I’m impressed by two things: first, Paul doesn’t ignore the problem, but secondly, neither does he blow Archippus out of the water. Instead of saying, “Get with it, you lazy bum!” or “Off your rear and get your feet in gear!”, Paul chooses to speak the truth in a diplomatic way: “See to it that you complete the work you have received in the Lord.”
After all, this letter is going to be read before the whole church, not only in Colosse, but also, according to verse 16, in Laodicea. Of course, in the 20 centuries since it was written, Archippus’ name has gone far beyond that. Paul wants to confront him, but their friendship calls for speaking the truth in love.
Not always, however, does Paul treat problems so gently. In Galatians he denounces the heretics who are preaching a different gospel and consigns them to eternal damnation. In chapter 2 he publicly rebukes Peter, his friend and fellow-Apostle, for his discrimination in the church. Later in chapter 5 he gets downright nasty with the legalists who are trying to put others under the law, wishing their sacred circumcision knives would slip and cause permanent disfigurement! So, let us not think that every problem in the church deserves a soft answer and a diplomatic approach. But may we not gravitate toward confrontation and conflict.
George Eliot wrote,
“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort, of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”[ii]
That is true, and we are blessed when we have a friend or two like that. But if we are a real friend, we will not expect the other person to sift our words—we will sift them ourselves before we speak.
Friendship is a two-way street. (7-8,18)
Back in verses 7 & 8 you will notice two comments the Apostle makes about himself: “Tychicus will tell you all the news about me,” and “I am sending him to you for the express purpose that you may know about our circumstances.” Then in the last verse of Colossians there is a three-word sentence: “Remember my chains.” What is Paul conveying through these comments? I believe he is reminding the believers in Colosse that friendship is a two-way street. He has poured out his life for them in the spread of the Gospel, but now he needs their love and concern. He’s not asking them to rescue him but simply to remember him.
Perhaps the worst thing anyone can face is being ignored. You know, the opposite of love is not hate, for both love and hate provide something everyone needs—attention. Whether you’re loved or hated, at least you know you’re significant. Rather the opposite of love is to be ignored and treated as though we didn’t matter. That’s what Paul is asking his friends not to let happen to him.
Conclusion: Do you sometimes feel unimportant, wondering whether you will even leave a ripple when you’re gone? Remember, “Friends are friends forever.” God’s permanent memorial to some of Paul’s friends here in Colossians proves it.
We have examined some of these friendships in detail, but other believers are mentioned without being named. For example, in verse 15 Paul says, “Give my greetings to the brothers at Laodicea.” These represent the faithful believers who serve God well but whose deeds are not announced for the whole world to know. They remind me of the tomb of the Unknown Soldier. On the one hand, the man whose body lies there is nameless forever, lost to family and friends. On the other hand, he receives more honor and glory than any other soldier, for thousands upon thousands come to his tomb and pay their respects.
God, too, has established a memorial for His soldiers. Some are named and some are unknown to us. But the fact that God deemed both significant enough to mention in His eternal Word gives them significance and value beyond anything the world could offer. They are common violins with whom the Master has made eternal music.
Not only that, God has another book that contains nothing but the names of His friends. It’s called the Lamb’s Book of Life, and it contains the name of every individual who has accepted the forgiveness that God offers us through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ. Is your name written there? It can be, today, if you quit trusting your own efforts and start relying solely on what Jesus has done for you.
The Lord’s Table. We conclude our worship today around the Lord’s Table. Passover was the most important feast of the year for the ancient Jews. They would sacrifice a spotless lamb in commemoration of the deliverance that God gave them from Egypt, when the angel of death passed over all the homes which had blood on the doorposts and lintel.
It was Passover time when Jesus shared his Last Supper with His disciples. He identified Himself as the once-for-all sacrifice for sin and invited His spiritual friends to eat bread and drink wine with Him in anticipation of his imminent death. The bread stood for his broken body and the wine for his shed blood. Never again would an animal have to be sacrificed to atone for sin, for the Lamb of God was being sacrificed to wipe the slate clean.
We have the privilege this morning of being invited as friends of Jesus to His table to remember His sacrifice and to revel in our relationship with Him.
DATE: April 5, 1992
Tags:
Friendship
[i] Quoted without citation by R. Kent Hughes, Colossian and Philemon: The Supremacy of Christ, 141-142.