SERIES: Christ Is the Answer When the Church Is in Crisis
We Missed the “R”!
SCRIPTURE: 1 Cor. 7:1-7
Note: This sermon was preached at East Evangelical Free Church in Wichita in 2012.
Introduction: Do you remember how we talked about the pendulum as a sad, but common, symbol of the Christian church? We used it in chapter 5 to illustrate how the church at Corinth went to the extreme of refusing to discipline one of its sinning members. But then after Paul excoriated them for their failure, they went to the opposite extreme by refusing to forgive the sinning member after he repented.
We’re going to see the pendulum at work again in chapter 7, a chapter that is all about sex, singleness, marriage, celibacy, divorce, and remarriage. Some in the church at Corinth were at one extreme, being strongly influenced by the Greek cultural view that sexual practices were irrelevant to one’s spiritual life. They claimed that the soul is what is important, not the body, so do what you want with your body.
However, on the other extreme were those in the church who advocated asceticism and total abstinence. They looked upon sex as a monstrous evil, something every spiritual Christian should avoid at all costs. Single people should abstain from marriage and married people should abstain from physical relations, except maybe to have children.[i]
I came across a little story that may be relevant at this point. Some of you may have heard it before, but I’m sure you won’t mind hearing it again.
“A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the ancient manuscripts of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscripts. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in one copy, the error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk, says, ‘We have been copying from copies for centuries, and we try to be extremely careful, but you make a good point, my son.’
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, ‘We missed the R! , We missed the R!’ His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, ‘What’s wrong, father?’ With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, ‘The word was … CELEBRATE!!!’”
Now I don’t know if some of you didn’t get it, or you just didn’t think it was funny, but if you leave the “R” out of “celebrate,” you come up with celibate (albeit slightly misspelled), which refers to someone who abstains from sexual relations. Whether that is how the Catholic church came to advocate the celibacy of the priesthood I can’t be sure, but at least it gave me a sermon title. The fact of the matter is that God does not require celibacy for clergy (thankfully), but He does for singles. And He actually forbids celibacy for married folks; instead, He wants them to celebratetheir sexuality.
Now despite the confusion in the church of Corinth over the whole subject of sex, the church did one thing right–they wrote to Paul and asked questions about how they should live in regard to such matters. The opening statement in our chapter reads, “Now for the matters you wrote about….” He is just now getting around to answering the questions from their last letter. (By the way, that’s not unusual for any of us in our letter writing, is it? We start with small talk, tell our friends what’s on our minds, and then begin to address matters raised in their last letter).
It would have helped if Paul had repeated their questions before answering them, but he didn’t. So, we are left with the task of trying to discover from his answers what the questions were. I am of the opinion that among the questions they asked were these:
1. When God said “’It is not good for man to be alone,’ does that imply that
singles are somehow defective?” (The whole chapter deals with this).
2. Should married people practice abstinence? (3-5)
3. Is it OK for widows and those divorced before conversion to remarry?
(8-9)
4. Should believers converted after marriage divorce their unbelieving
spouses? 10-24)
And there were more questions, all of which are relevant today as well. So let’s begin to examine Paul’s response. We’re going to start with his first point:
The single life is a good life, but only if celibacy is practiced.
Three times in this chapter Paul goes out of his way to affirm that the single life is a good life.
1. A threefold affirmation of the single life. (1, 8, 26-27) In verse 1 Paul clearly states, “It is good for a man not to marry.” In verse 8 he broadens the affirmation of the single life to include women and those previously married. “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” Paul obviously was not married when he wrote this, though there is some evidence that he was at one time. Whether he was widowed or perhaps his wife left him when he was converted, we do not know. But he clearly affirms the single life for those now divorced or widowed.
Then he offers a third affirmation of singleness in verse 26-27: “Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are…. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.”
From these three references it is obvious that being single is not a curse; it is not a disease; it’s OK. That truth needs to be taken seriously, not only by single people themselves, but also by self-appointed matchmakers who feel they have a divine calling to find a mate for everyone.
However, following each of these three affirmations of the goodness of the single life, Paul offers a qualification, a limitation, if you will, on the goodness of the single life. After each affirmation there is a “but….”
2. A threefold qualification concerning the goodness of the single life.
While verse 1 tells us it is good for a man not to marry, verse 2 says, “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” While verse 8 says, “It is good for them to stay unmarried,” verse 9 adds, “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” And while verse 26 says, “It is good for you to remain as you are,” verse 28 adds, “But if you do marry, you have not sinned.”
My conclusion is that the thrust of these exception clauses is that the single life is a good life but only so long as the single person is not sexually active. In fact, some of your versions read in verse 1, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” “Touch” here doesn’t mean holding hands or hugging; it is a Greek euphemism for sexual intercourse. So, Paul is clearly affirming the goodness of the single but celibate lifestyle.
In our culture today young people are waiting longer and longer to get married. Over the past 50 years the average age of marriage for men has climbed from 22 to 28. For women it has gone from 20 to 26. At first glance one might say, “That’s good, because traditionally too many people got married before they were really ready for it, which led to a lot of divorce.”
But let’s be honest here. The primary reason why many young people delay marriage today is not so that they have more time to mature, establish a career, get their feet on the ground financially, and have a better chance at a lasting marriage. The reason many are delaying is that they have “friends with benefits,” i.e., they are enjoying an active sex life without any of the obligations of marriage or family life. That, Paul says, is not OK. In fact, it is destructive to one’s own self and to his relationship with God. The last chapter ended with the observation (verse 18) that the one who sins sexually sins against his own body and dishonors God.
I was watching a news program on Friday and saw a coed at a Catholic University testifying before Nancy Pelosi’s committee and complaining that she had to pay for her own contraceptives and that it was a burden on her budget. Then when she was criticized for expecting a Catholic institution to fund her unbiblical lifestyle, the President of the United States, Barack Obama, called her to empathize with her predicament!
Perhaps it has crossed your mind that Paul does not provide for us a very high purpose for marriage in this chapter: should people get married just because there is so much immorality? Should they get married only if they don’t have self-control? That seems to make marriage just an escape valve for an overactive sex drive. Well, it is that, but that’s certainly not all it is. If you look at all that Paul and the rest of the Scriptures teach, you discover that marriage is also for procreation, for pleasure, and for partnership. Of such significance are these three purposes for marriage that God said in the Garden of Eden, “It is not good that man should be alone.” The threat of immorality had nothing to do with that statement, for there was no one else for Adam to be immoral with!
But God’s statement that it is not good that man should be alone raises an interesting question. How can Paul now say it is good for a man to be single when God has already said that it is not good for man to be alone? The answer I think is that God is stating what is true for the vast majority, while Paul is addressing the fact that there are exceptions. There are individuals for whom singleness is good and proper, and the single person doesn’t have to apologize for it. But he or she must remain celibate.
Now let’s move to Paul’s second major teaching in this text. So far he has made it clear that the single life is a good life but only if celibacy is practiced. Now he tells us that …
The married life is also a good life, but not if celibacy is practiced. (3-5)
He starts with the fact that …
Each spouse has certain conjugal rights in marriage. (3-5) This is a direct rebuttal to the position of the ascetics, namely that married couples should abstain from sexual relations (except perhaps to have children), because sex is essentially sinful. On the contrary, Paul implies, it is sinful for married couples not to have sexual relations. Please no elbows to the ribs of the person sitting next to you!
In verse 3 he states that each spouse has a duty to the other. He’s not talking about the duty of bringing home a paycheck, or doing the ironing, or taking out the garbage. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
Now I’ve done enough marriage counseling to know that this topic is a relevant one for many couples. So, I want you to listen carefully to what God says. God says that sex in marriage is a duty. And it’s a mutual duty. It is not a bargaining chip to get what we want, not a favor to be bestowed when we get our way, nor a prize to be withheld when we don’t. In a healthy marriage, of course, spouses don’t think of it as a duty; for them it is much more of a privilege and a pleasure. But it is also a responsibility.
Joan Rivers, whom I rarely quote in sermons, once quipped about her husband, “My husband hasn’t looked at me for so long, if something happened to me, he wouldn’t be able to identify the body.” I must say I feel a certain sympathy for Mr. Rivers, because I wouldn’t want to look at her much either, but her complaint should never have to be made by a Christian wife or husband. Certainly, it is better when physical relations are pursued because they are mutually enjoyed and because there is an emotional excitement in marriage. But if for one reason or another such feelings are missing from your marriage, that doesn’t remove the duty.
Paul expands upon this matter by stating in verse 4 that neither spouse has full authority over his or her own body. “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” Feminists today claim that women should have absolute control over their bodies, even to the point of being able to rid themselves of a child implanted in their womb. God’s Word challenges such a view. The wife’s body belongs not just to her but also to her husband. But the reverse is also true. When two people get marriage, they give up independent control, not only of their possessions but also of their bodies.
An exception to conjugal rights is clearly spelled out. (5) “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.” The deprivation spoken of here is clearly the withholding of sexual relations. Abstinence within marriage is not permitted unless three prerequisites are met:
1. It must be a mutual decision. That is, both parties must agree. One spouse does not have the right to tell the other, “We’re going to have separate bedrooms for the next year.”
2. It must be temporary. It must be “for a time,” apparently a limited period agreed upon beforehand. Sexual fasting, like fasting from food, should not be overdone either in frequency or in duration.
3. It must be for spiritual purposes. “So that you may devote yourselves to prayer.” What sort of issues in a person’s life might require a period of abstinence so that a person can focus on prayer? Well, I can think of several. Maybe one is struggling with grief over the loss of a parent or child or close friend. Maybe there is sin in one’s life that has impacted the relationship. Perhaps one is confused about a major career decision. Maybe it’s the marriage itself that is in trouble. Whatever the reason, the time of separation is to be devoted to working on the problem, not simply an R & R from the normal frustrations of married life.
I might add that there are other things a person can and should do besides pray. If a person is in grief, he should join a support group. If the marriage isn’t going well, the couple should get Christian counseling.
Let me make another observation. Sometimes there are medical or emotional issues that keep a husband or wife from fulfilling their marital duty; for example, perhaps a person is suffering from clinical depression. Paul’s not talking about that. But if that’s the situation, then the person should seek medical help, not just use those issues as an excuse.
The rationale for these instructions is clearly stated: it is to prevent Satan from wreaking havoc. (5b) “Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Let’s face it, friends, Satan attacks us at our weakest point. When a husband and wife have been separated over a period of time, temptation increases. By the same token, one of the greatest antidotes to immorality is the existence of a consistent, satisfying physical relationshipbetween a husband and a wife.
Paul has communicated two important truths so far: First, the single life is a good life, but only if celibacy is practiced. Second, married life is a good life, but not if celibacy is practiced. The third point he makes is that …
Both singleness and marriage are gifts from God. (7, Matt. 19:11).
Verse 7 reads: “Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am, (namely single). However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.” We hear much today about the gifts of the Spirit–pastor, teacher, evangelist, prophet, etc. But there are two gifts more commonthan any of these, and yet we don’t hear much about them. I’m talking about the gift of singleness and the gift of marriage.
Singleness is not for everyone and marriage is not for everyone. Just as it is wrong to refuse to use a spiritual gift we have been given, so it is counterproductive to try to use a gift we have not been given. Have you ever sat under a teacher who didn’t have the gift of teaching (other than right now)? It’s frustrating for the student, and unless the teacher is clueless, it’s also frustrating for him or her. If a person does not have the gift of celibacy, choosing celibacy will produce moral and spiritual frustration. And for a person who has not been given the gift of marriage, trying to make a marriage work can bring an equal amount of frustration.
Did you know that Jesus taught this same truth? In Matthew 19 He is sharing with His disciples on the permanency of marriage, and His disciples respond, “If this is the situation, it is better not to marry.” In other words, if you marry the wrong person and get stuck for life, it’s safer to avoid the risk altogether.
And Jesus agrees with them, at least for some people! In verses 11-12 He responds, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” Another way of putting it might be this:
Some are born celibate.
Some are forced to be celibate.
Some are celibate by choice.
Know yourself and how you are gifted.
Allow me to comment briefly once again on the celibacy of the priesthood in the Roman Catholic Church. All priests are required by the church–not by Scripture, mind you–to be unmarried, irrespective of whether they have the gift of celibacy or not. And what is the result? Many, many priests have been convicted of gross immorality. We shouldn’t be surprised; Paul would have predicted that.
Conclusion: What does God want us to take home with us after studying this passage? Let me try to put the truths we have seen today, and some related ones from later in the chapter, in a form that I trust will be practical. It is better to stay single …
1. If you have the gift of celibacy.
2. If you think marriage will interfere with your service for Christ.
3. If you cannot give yourself completely to another person.
4. If the alternative is to marry an unbeliever.
On the other hand, it is better to get married …
1. If you cannot be contented and fulfilled without a partner.
2. If God has gifted you with someone who is willing to give himself or
herself totally to you.
3. If you are willing to spend the rest of your days giving yourself totally to
that person alone.
4. If you are confident that your relationship will be an illustration of
Christ’s love for His church.
If you are already married, of course, then God wants you to reaffirm your love and commitment to your spouse, and to give yourselves completely to one another.
If you are divorced, come back next week–for some encouragement but also some advice.
Friends, if the principles stated in this chapter were properly understood, accepted, and practiced by Christian people, I believe it would dramatically improve their happiness quotient and the success rate for their marriages. I believe that to be the goal of our text today. Let’s pray.
Father, every one of us who is married said those words, “For better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, ‘til death parts us.” We meant it, Father, but the living out of it is not nearly so easy. We find temptation all around us, we struggle with differing personalities, we have financial worries, children complicate things.… Lord, we need your help to be the husbands and wives you want us to be. And I pray for the singles in our midst. They have their own set of frustrations. They, too, need your help. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Communion service. As we prepare for the Lord’s Table this morning, I think we should be reminded that our relationship as husband and wife is to be a reflection of another marriage–that between Jesus Christ and His Church. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, and wives are to be submissive to their husbands, as the Church is to Christ.
How much did Jesus love us? Enough to give His life on a cruel cross. That is what we celebrate this morning–a love that is so amazing and so awesome!
DATE: March 4, 2012
Tags:
Marriage
Celibacy
Singleness
Sex
[i]. Complicating the whole picture was the fact that there were Jewish Christians at Corinth who believed it was sinful not to get married and have children. Orthodox Jews taught that there was an obligation on every man to be married. In fact, they had a list of seven kinds of people who were excommunicated from heaven, and the list began, “A Jew who has no wife; or who has a wife but no children.”